Who the F*@% is Dave Portnoy to review NJ pizza?

I’m sorry, but it had to be said. I know his reviews are extraordinarily popular and they can boost a pizza place's business like nothing else.

Also, I’d like to add I admire Dave Portnoy for his business acumen, his hard work and dedication and his generosity.

During COVID, when a lot of places were shut down, he raised millions of dollars to help struggling businesses survive the shutdowns during the pandemic.

SEE MORE: Inflation has had the worst effect on New Jersey

I also happen to like his outspoken opinion on a number of issues. I don’t even mind that he’s a proud Boston sports fan. Good for him. He should be proud of his hometown and their teams. He seems wicked smaht.

But when it comes to pizza, who the f*@% is Dave Portnoy to have any legitimacy in critiquing one of MY foods?! That’s right, one of MY foods. As a proud American of Italian heritage, whose mother used to make homemade pizza every Friday night, I resent this outsider interloper, having any power of persuasion over what people think of anybody’s pizza.

Especially in New Jersey.

Let me start by saying when you come into a town in New Jersey at least know the name of the f*@%ing town you’re in. Secondly, when you mispronounce names like Calabria or Sposito's, it makes you look like a Chooch. Which is a Southern Italian slang word my father would call me and my brother when we acted like a jackass.

His big critique at almost all of the pizza joints, and their pizza is whether or not the pie has any "crisp." If he went to Naples, the birthplace of pizza, he would find the majority of those amazing pizzas do not have any "crisp."

Also, he's often dismissive of the owners or workers. It's like he's somehow above them.

Taste is of course a very subjective thing. So, what you might give a 7.4 might be a solid 10 in somebody else’s book.

We would never go to Boston and critique clam chowdah or lawbstah rolls. So, many of us don’t appreciate you coming to New Jersey and critiquing our pizza. The little clips may be cute and mildly amusing, but as far as having a legitimate objective opinion on what is good pizza? No. You may think yaw wicked smhat, but yaw nawt.

So, Dave, keep up the great work at Barstool and everything else you do. You’re really really good at it. As far as a pizza critic, don't be such a chooch.

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Dennis Malloy only.

Report a correction 👈