Not all heroes wear capes. Some just create fake social media accounts for bakery chains after dabbling in some substances.

Stephen Sorrentino from Beach Haven, NJ spent the better part of the last month creating posts for an Instagram account claiming to represent the recently opened Panera Bread in Manahawkin.

It was all fake, and his tell-all blog post detailing the ordeal made me cry laughing. I don’t mean to hype it up, that’s just a true statement.

Sorrentino said he decided to do this while “a little drunk and a little stoned” after a friend mentioned that the restaurant had no social media presence.

He wrote the bio as:

“Excited to be serving delicious, fresh food to Manahawkin and beyond! Now open every day at 5:30am!”

That’s where the trolling started. Panera Bread doesn’t open until 6 a.m. He says anyone who wants Panera that early deserves to wait the half hour, and I can’t say that logic is flawed.

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As for his posts, Sorrentino found generic photos from Google and made them purposefully grainy to make it look, as he puts it, “like it was taken on a Nokia Potato.”

Yet somehow people still followed this account thinking it was really the Manahawkin Panera.

The fun came to a conclusion after he tried to start beef with the Chic-Fil-A across the parking from the restaurant. After several posts about how their chicken sandwiches suck, one follower decided to insult Panera.

The fake @ManahawkinPaneraBread profile taunted him back and that led to the account getting suspended.

I guess all good things must come to an end eventually.

I urge you to read his whole NSFW account of what happened here. There are screen grabs of the account from before it was taken down so you can enjoy the blurry image of the “bread manager”, Mike “Dollop” Hurnberger.

It’s a real treat.

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5's Kylie Moore. Any opinions expressed are Kylie's own. You can follow Kylie on Instagram.

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