A poem for a changing NJ: ‘Twas the night before bag ban (Opinion)

‘Twas the night before bag ban
And all through the state
Many still were not ready
Some not feeling so great

The single-use plastic
Would soon be no more
Nor swept in the ocean waves
Down at the shore

No microplastics nestled
In gills of the fish
No more plastic handles
A sea turtle’s wish

But landlubbers needed
To get their things home
So switch to reusables?
That’s using your dome!

But is that really the answer?
Some say not so fast
Single-use plastic
Replaced paper bags past

Will this be like that?
Will we shudder to find?
These reusable totes
Will one day be maligned?

Studies have shown
Carbon footprints are bigger
From making reusables
And my, won’t that trigger

The virtuous ones
Whose mission remains
To save planet earth
From those lesser birdbrains

But the pandemic taught us
One thing of note
Single-use was much cleaner
Than reusable totes

On germs! On bugs!
On pathogens, virus!
On spores! On mold!
On filthy hepatitis!

Your reusable bag’s
A Petri dish with handles
But go on, celebrate
Ignite all the candles!

You think you saved the world
But you only killed Jersey
Feel holier than thou
As your bag gives you scurvy

So here’s a small prayer
As we succumb to the new
Goodbye plastic bags
May the Fourth be with you

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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