A recent thread on the New Jersey subreddit asked what the New Jersey equivalent of “bless your heart” would be.

If you’re not wise to the passive-aggressiveness of “bless your heart,” it’s the kind of comment that isn’t insulting on paper, but if you’re in the know, you know it was meant as a diss.

A majority of the commenters agreed that we in New Jersey aren’t subtle enough to have one, and the closest thing would just be a stone cold ‘f*** you,’ but I think we’re more clever than that. Plus, we’re not always in a position where we can use such language.

The following are Jersey-style comments that to outsiders may seem innocuous, but in the Garden State they’d cut like a knife.

"You have the grace of a Pennsylvania driver."

driving car on highway, close up of hands on steering wheel
anyaberkut
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"You’re the Chicago-style pizza of humans."

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bhofack2
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"Your smile reminds me of Gov. Phil Murphy."

Virus Outbreak New Jersey
AP
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"Wow, what perfume are you wearing? It reminds me of Exit 13!"

Google Maps
Google Maps
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"You have the coordinating abilities of Phil Murphy before a snowstorm."

Getty Stock / ThinkStock
Getty Stock / ThinkStock
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"You make about as much sense as our property taxes."

We have the highest and scariest property taxes in the nation. The average now stands at $9,112. Thats $759 a month just in taxes. (Imagine blood curdling scream here)
AndreyPopov
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"Of course I believe you! I trust you as much as I would trust a politician in Trenton."

Steve Sweeney
AP
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Feel free to use any of these the next time you want to curse someone out in a totally Jersey way that’s safe for work!

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5's Kylie Moore. Any opinions expressed are Kylie's own. You can follow Kylie on Instagram.

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