Trunk-or-treat is ruining Halloween: A manifesto

Trunk-or-treat is a poor substitute for traditional trick-or-treating, and it's fear-mongering at its finest.

What Charlie Brown, who kept getting rocks in his bag, came up with this lame idea to take all the mystery and excitement out of Halloween, anyway?

According to NPR, early mentions of trunk-or-treat go back to 1994. According to the site, one of the first known ones happened at Hilldale Baptist Church of Center Point in Alabama. It was offered as a "safe" alternative to going house to house by having cars gather in rows in a parking lot and having people give candy from out their trunks.

From there, the idea quickly spread, with mostly civic and religious organizations hosting their own and supporting this idea of it being less dangerous than trick-or-treating. But those fears are largely unfounded, and, sorry, trunk-or-treats are pretty lame by comparison.

A child psychologist by the name of David Miller with the University of Albany points out there is extremely little evidence showing regular trick-or-treating is dangerous. Urban legends about poisoned candy and freaks putting razor blades in candy have been around since the 1960s and have been widely debunked.

As far as being dragged inside by some predator, older kids tend to go in large groups, and younger kids certainly need their parents with them. So I’ve never bought into the danger.

Take the safety premise away from trunk-or-treat, and you’re left with an often substandard event. The magic of trick-or-treating as a kid is the thrill of the hunt. Will this house open its door? Will there be someone also dressed in costume in that doorway? Will the candy be great like Reese’s or terrible like Mary Jane?

With trunk-or-treat, you only have 2 feet between cars with trunks already open, and you see what’s coming from five cars ahead. You already know the vehicle two more down has Smarties and Hershey’s. You already know you’re getting candy because someone is sitting right next to it in a folding lawn chair.

It feels like a fake. It feels like a fraud. And there are no animatronics to jump out at you as you walk up to the house. There’s no real effort going in. There’s no surprise.

Trunk-or-treat is lame.

Sure, you could put the lipstick on the pig by having a guy making balloon animals and a cotton candy cart. But in the end, it’s still a pig.

Trunk-or-treat is OK as an extra event on a day other than Halloween. But please, don’t let it replace trick-or-treating.

Trunk-or-treat teaches kids nothing about life. But trick-or-treat teaches us not all doors are going to open. Not everything you get is going to taste sweet. (I’m looking at you, old grandma with the popcorn balls.)

Fortunes are usually achieved by putting in the miles, even with blistered feet, and not by a shortcut stroll through an easy parking lot.

Oh, and who wants candy smelling like it sat next to a can of fix-a-flat all day?

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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