I've been a huge Kiss fan my entire life. Whether it be Kiss mugs, Kiss dolls, Kiss concert shirts, Kiss posters, you name it, I've owned it. I've even contemplated buying the Kiss coffin for the afterlife. So when I heard about Gene Simmons' new project, I immediately tried to conjure up ways to raise enough money to pull off the ultimate Kiss prize.
Gene Simmons has created one of the largest box set collections in the history of music, known simply as "The Vault." It's a historical look back at Gene's entire musical career, spanning over 50 years. The Vault contains 150 never-before released songs on 10 cds, a 50,000-word book, a special gold coin that reads "In Gene We Trust," and a special Gene Simmons action figure. The price tag to own Gene's lifetime of music? A cool $2,000.
So why am I conjuring up ways to raise $50,000 you ask? Because there are special limited editions of "The Vault." There is a $50,000 version and a $25,000 version as well. The $25,000 package is known as "The Producer's Experience," where you and a guest get a meet-and-greet with the Demon himself, you have the opportunity to listen to the tracks in a recording studio with Gene, as well as a producer's credit on your personalized "Vault." The $50,000 package is known as the "The Vault Home Experience," where you and 25 of your closest family and friends get to host Gene in your home, with Gene delivering "The Vault" straight to your doorstep!
So as a life-long Kiss fan, I have to go big or go home, right? I'm just bypassing all of the other experiences and heading straight for the top of the heap! Now, I just need some way to finance it. There are plenty of useless things lying around in Jersey to sell that could easily net me the $50K necessary to be a part of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, right?
Here's the list below of things I think I could sell off in Jersey, without anyone missing them, that would help me meet with Gene Simmons.
NJ Transit Trains
We all know the problem with NJ Transit. If you're a commuter, you are well aware that the trains are almost never on time or they don't show up at all. So will anyone miss one or two cars? Doubt it.
New Jersey is trying to make everything cashless tolls, so let me help them out. Toll booths are almost a thing of the past. Half of the toll booths in Jersey aren't manned anymore anyway and take exact change, so what's one less on the Parkway or Turnpike? Drivers will thank me.
Trenton's Golden Dome
The statehouse is getting a $300 million renovation. Lawmakers have enough of our money as it is. I'm sure if parts of the golden dome upon top of the statehouse happen to go missing, they'll have plenty of our tax money to replace it.
NJ has a few lighthouses hanging around the shore areas. They're nice to look at and all but do we really need all of them? Or couldn't I at the very least sell the naming right to one or two of them to make some cash?
Face it. AC is overrun with casinos. Between the failed Revel, Taj and others that have shut their doors, AC is in dire need of a makeover. While these casinos are closing their doors, would it really be that bad if I had a "going out of business sale" to make a little extra dough?
Ok, NJ residents can all agree that the giant eyesore, formerly known as Xanadu," and now the "American Dreams Project" is a unmitigated disaster and eyesore. I'll do everyone a favor and sell the land cheap to the highest bidder, they can bring in a big wrecking ball and start over.
Bruce on Broadway
Possibly the hottest ticket in NJ right now. The Boss' one-man show on Broadway is what every Bruce fan wants. If I can get my hands on a few sets of tickets, I'm sure die hard Bruce fans will shell out top $$ to go to the show.
If you've ever driven on a NJ road, especially the highways, you know speed limits are more like suggestions than actual laws. So if a couple of the speed limit signs get sold, do you think anyone is going to actually be looking for them?
This isn't so much making money on New Jerseyans as it is to profit off of out-of-staters. Pork roll is a Jersey thing. No one really gets it from out of state and how good it really is. So if I could start shipping out to the other states and make them crave it, a virtual windfall should head my way, right?
Christie's beach chair
This is the one! This will probably beat all others on the list. I'm thinking that if I can get my hands on Governor Christie's famed beach chair and put it up for auction, this will absolutely net me the money necessary to meet Gene Simmons. Buying the beach chair, gives you certain amenities such as a private beach and a great shore house reserved for the governor. Who wouldn't want to bid on that?
Have some other useless Jersey items I can profit off of?