NJ 101.5’s guide to surviving a zombie apocalypse in NJ
If you think watching countless episodes of "The Walking Dead" and zombie movies has you prepared for a zombie apocalypse in New Jersey, think again.
Traditional methods like an ax to the head or a clean shot with a crossbow may work on Midwest walkers, but these are New Jersey zombies we’re talking about. They’ll have much more attitude and fighting spirit than other biters. So what’s the best way to defend yourself?
According to the Centers for Disease Control's Zombie Preparedness guide, preparing for a zombie pandemic is very similar to prepping for a natural disaster. It requires a variety of supplied such as food and water, as well as an escape plan. The CDC even offers a graphic novel, "Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic" that demonstrates the importance of being prepared.
But again, Garden State zombies will be a different breed altogether. For your own protection, we asked NJ 101.5 staff members to explain what they’d do in the event of a zombie invasion. Here's their advice:
Eric Scott, News Anchor: On "The Walking Dead," they make it appear easy to kill a zombie (by destroying the brain). Although the term "killing a zombie" is a bit of a misnomer, since they are already technically dead, but I digress.
If you have a firearm, a bullet to the head is the quickest and most efficient way to neutralize a zombie. However, in a state like NJ, few are allowed to possess such a weapon. You are more likely to have a knife or a blunt instrument as your only weapon.
On The Walking Dead, it appears so simple to just slash or bash the skull. The skull is one of the hardest bones in the human body. Although decay will soften this bone a bit, it will certainly not be as soft as they show on TV.
Do not underestimate how tiring it may be to penetrate a skull with a blunt object. It will rarely take only one swing, so be prepared. Be aware of your surroundings, and how much space you need to swing.
And if there is more than one zombie trying to get at your flesh, your odds of survival diminish quickly. Your best option may be to flee.
The most important thing to remember when surviving a zombie attack: you don't need to outrun the zombie. You only need to outrun the human next to you.
Judi Franco, Host: Just tell my partner (Dennis Malloy) that they're all a raving horde of liberal Democrats and he'll finish 'em off in no time. THEY'LL be the ones running scared.
Chris Swendeman, Digital Managing Editor (Programming):
Here are a few helpful tips to get you through the zombie apocalypse in New Jersey.
- Play plenty of laser tag at iPlay America.. It’s an enclosed space and you’ll learn how to get yourself out of tight jams.
- You’ll need first hand knowledge of zombies and what they’re about, watch plenty of episodes of the Jersey Shore.
- Talk to Gov Christie about passing a law for conceal and carry, you’re going to want to have plenty of firearms and ammo on you.
- Practice jogging through towns like Camden or Newark, if you can make it through there, zombies don’t stand a chance of catching you.
- Find the biggest farms in order to hide. We’re called the Garden State for a reason…
- Make sure you map out all the local WaWas for emergency supplies.
- Know your way around the Pine Barrens, the Jersey Devil would much rather feast on a herd of the living dead than just you.
Toniann Antonelli, Social Content Producer: First, have a shot of whiskey (I mean, it’s the freakin’ zombie apocalypse). Second, find a Costco and barricade yourself inside. You’ll have all the necessities: water, plumbing, a radio and batteries to listen to music, Yankee games (and NJ 101.5), plus weaponry, clothing and...fruit snacks.
Second, go to the makeup aisle, grab some products and disguise yourself as a zombie. It might not keep the walkers away but if they get through the barricades and see you, they’ll realize how creepy they look and maybe they’ll just feel self-conscious and leave you alone.
Eric Johnson, Program Director: Take up running….start by walking fast….then build up to running….not only will fitness be found, you’ll out run Zombies…they don’t seem to walk very fast.
Jeff Deminski, Host: The original Night Of The Living Dead backs up the kill the brain, kill the zombie theory. Also though burning the zombie seems to not only kill it but has the added benefit of driving back the remaining zombies. In NOTLD the reanimated corpses had a natural aversion to fire. Also it should be known in the event of all out zombie apocalypse here in Jersey you still must stop and pay tolls even if being chased, it is no excuse.
Chris Eannucci, Producer for Big Joe Henry: I would go around to all the bagel places collecting day old porkroll egg and cheeses, and I would make a cannon that would fire that. If the impact doesn't kill them, the cholesterol will.
Lou Hochman, Digital Managing Editor: I find the best approach to avoid a brain-seeking creature is to show as little evidence as possible I’m sporting one.
Eric Scott (revised): Let me revise my previous statement. You don't have to outrun the zombie. You only have to outrun Lou.
Patrick Lavery, Evening News Anchor: First of all, I feel confident knowing I can get away faster than Diana…having been her designated pinch-runner for NJ101.5 All-Star Softball. And this isn’t a panic-mode jab at Donald or Hillary (depending on what side of the aisle you’re on), but then I’d move to Canada. North Canada. You know, North NORTH Canada. Freeze ’em out.
Big Joe Henry (Host/DJ): Haha...where were you when I was getting divorced from my wife?....here's Trusted Choice insurance New Jersey fast traffic.
What are your tips for surviving a Zombie Apocalypse in New Jersey? Comment below or tweet @NJ1015 and @ToniRadio1015.