Mother’s Day brunch: The gift of anxiety for NJ moms

Whereas all moms deserve what appears on the surface to be a break on Mother’s Day,

Whereas moms in New Jersey don’t have enough stress as is by living in the most congested place in the country and trying to make ends meet,

Whereas moms in New Jersey are already used to screaming and other chaos,

I decree that on Mother’s Day all New Jersey moms must be brought to an overcrowded, public Mother’s Day buffet.

Who decided this? It’s been going on forever so this wasn’t one of Gov. Murphy’s executive orders.

But apparently, somebody did. Because year in and year out so many of us flock to overbooked, overcrowded restaurants (that, by the way, on any other day of the year are wonderful eateries) and subject mom and the whole family to a “treat.”

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How many times does this treat come with a 40-minute wait for a table you already had a reservation for, and a very limited "special" menu, and a line of the undead waiting for more clean plates to be brought from the kitchen because they can’t keep up with the horde.

Tables with chairs pushed so close together it’s like tight comedy club seating.

Kids having meltdowns dressed in nice clothing they didn’t want to wear that’s itchy on them and making them even more miserable.

Screaming. Oh, the toddlers screaming. Like the screaming of the lambs that Agent Clarice Starling heard.

Look, if you’ve had wonderful, peaceful, well-organized brunches for mom on Mother’s Day I’m happy for you. I’m not saying they can’t exist. I’m just saying I never found one.

But if you tell me you never had even one single Mother’s Day brunch of the overcrowded, chaotic, anxiety-inducing kind I’m describing here then I believe you are either filthy rich and rented the entire place out privately or you were hatched in a lab experiment and don’t even have a mother.

If you really want to treat mom, a single Xanax would be way more relaxing and not nearly as expensive.

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

You can now listen to Deminski & Doyle — On Demand! Hear New Jersey’s favorite afternoon radio show any day of the week. Download the Deminski & Doyle show wherever you get podcasts, on our free app, or listen right now:

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Filed Under: Mother's Day