The dumbest National Days in July no one is celebrating

Oh no! You missed it? You missed National Fried Chicken Day? Yeah, ironically so did Chick-fil-A, because the made-up holiday was Sunday, and of course they’re closed Sundays.

Yes, I said made up. Invented. Conjured. And so many of these so-called holidays today are. At a time when Columbus Day is being shunned and removed from many school calendars, we have moronic things like Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day and Talk Like a Pirate Day being discussed as if they were real holidays (the last Monday in January and September 19, respectively). At least there’s a Jersey connection with bubble wrap. But I digress.

Here are some of the dumbest made-up holidays in July for you to not celebrate and never care about.

National Dive Bar Day

July 7

This past Monday, July 7 was a day to celebrate our dive bars. As a fan of Rocky’s in Rahway I can’t say I’m opposed, but do you know who designated it National Dive Bar Day? It was founded in 2018 by Seagram’s Seven Crown. Well, of course. Real fans of dive bars don’t need to be given a reason to drink. Know what I’m saying?

Cow Appreciation Day

Second Tuesday in July

This too is all marketing. It’s Chick-fil-A just trying to make a buck. The gag here is just like in the commercials cows want you to eat more chicken so bovine are spared. You know why they made it the second Tuesday of every July?

Because they’d be closed the second Sunday.

National Different Colored Eyes Day

July 12

It’s a day to “recognize those who have two different colored eyes.” Kinda got that from the name, buddy, thanks. This useless so-called holiday celebrates people like David Bowie, Christopher Walken, Dan Aykroyd, Jane Seymour, and Mila Kunis.

National Barber Shop Music Appreciation Day

July 13

Oh, just STFU.

National Toss Away The “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day

Third Saturday in July

This one sounds confusing. No, it’s not a day to embrace apostrophes and contractions. It’s a day to not have regrets. To go for it. To get the most out of life.

But if you’re only living this way one day a year, you’re going to have regrets.

National Talk In An Elevator Day

Last Friday in July

This is pretty straightforward.

It’s a day where we are all encouraged to strike up a conversation in an elevator with a stranger. A day to stop falsely checking the time on your watch or cell and turn to a total stranger and annoy the hell out of them by coming up with some vapid, forced pleasantry or talk topic. Which of course must be able to be over and done with in forty-two seconds. What’s the point?

Perhaps it’s time we had a National Stop All Fake National Days Day.

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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