Cops hear everything, and they hear a lot of lies. If you ever wonder why police are often emotionally closed off, this is part of the reason. They routinely see people at their worst, and almost everyone they see lies to them. Anyone would start to put up some walls.

So imagine you're the cop who responds to a rear-end collision call on Alps Road at Route 23 in Wayne the other day. You find a 57 year old man with the smell of alcohol on his breath and "staggering and swaying, unable to walk straight, in danger of falling onto the highway."

What excuse to you get? "I drank too much because the Jets suck!"

Yes, the man blamed his drinking and driving on the Jets losing to the Bills by an embarrassing score of 41-10. That's a 3 and 7 record. Hey, that's still one more win than the Giants. Imagine how drunk that fan must be!

Not being impressed with the Jets suck excuse, the officer charged him with driving while intoxicated and causing injury while intoxicated. Making matters worse, he was also charged with possession of marijuana among other things.

Is this the lamest excuse a cop has ever heard? You be the judge. In an internet search I found these stories from real life cops talking about the dumbest excuses they had been given.

"A drunk guy told me he was pregnant then urinated all over himself claiming his water broke."

"I stopped a girl with all the Goth black stuff on herself and little figurines on her dash. I asked what is all this stuff. She said, "I'm a Wicka." I said "A what?" She goes, "You know, a witch." I said, "Oh yeah." Then she asks, "Are you giving me a ticket?" I said, "yes, I am." She said "I'll put a spell on you." I told her "too late my ex-wife beat you to it."

"It snowed 6 inches and I radar a car driving 54 in a 30. Stopped her and she very matter-of-factly told me, "Duh, I know I was going fast, I was trying to get the snow off my windshield so I could see where I'm going!"

"My car has a recall on it for unexplained acceleration and I'm on my way to get it fixed."

"I stopped a guy for doing 71 in a 50 because he wanted to get to McDonald's before the breakfast menu ended."

"I wasn't speeding, I was qualifying."

"I told a guy he was doing 54 in a 45 he said he was sorry his dyslexia was acting up again."

"Pulled a Corvette doing 100 in a 55 zone. Late at night on highway, no traffic. I told the driver, "You were flying, unless you have a pilot's license you are going jail." Yes, he handed me a pilot license...yes, I let him go."

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