Don’t try this: The internet told me to put this in my coffee
I've always been a coffee purist. Hot, black coffee. No milk. No sugar. Just pure, black coffee.
I know plenty of people out there love their coffee additives. Cream, sugar, milk, half and half, cinnamon, the list goes on and on. Whatever your flavors of choice are, I'm sure they're great. Just not my cup of tea, or coffee I guess I should say.
But this stopped me dead in my tracks.
Huh?? Mayo in coffee? Are you serious?
Turns out they are serious.
Now listen, I like mayo. I don't love it, but it's a fine condiment. The proper amount of mayo on a sandwich is divine. But other than that, I don't need it in my life. Do you like mayo? Fine! Live your truth and you do you.
But to put it in your coffee? What is the upside there? A thicker, more egg-tasting coffee?
Oh, well there you have it. Mayo flavored coffee. Yay?
This came up on Monday night's show (I produce the Steve Trevelise Show if you didn't know) and Steve had the "brilliant" idea of having me try mayo coffee. I tried butter coffee too because of course, a caller told us that that's a thing as well.
Take a listen for yourself before I go any further.
Bright side – the butter was okay. I wouldn't do it again, but it was fine.
But the mayo combo...it was by far one of the most disgusting things I have ever consumed, and it's not even close. The mayo barely even broke down in the coffee, so it was basically just little mayo-seasoning balls in my coffee.
The consistency, the vile taste of vinegary mayo mixed in with scalding black coffee has to be one of the most unappealing things to ever exist. Even if you're the biggest mayo fan in the world, I can't imagine even you would want to try this. And I recommend that you don't.
But there are actually people out there defending this atrocity.
...but I really couldn't find any other tweets to defend this heinous atrocity. Most people actually were on the right side of history and condemned them.
The whole act of doing ridiculous things with mayo is nothing new. It's been happening at sporting events for a while now, even this year. Hell, the game was sponsored by a different mayo company, hence the over-the-top displays of mayonnaise.
If you want to really find out how this combo tastes, go right ahead. Nobody is gonna (unfortunately) stop you. That's your right as an American. But just be warned, it's not worth it. You're better than this.
If you try it and you actually like it, hey more power to you, I'm happy for you.
But just know, with all due respect, I hope I never meet you in person.