Marriage, Money, and Mood Swings: A Jersey guy’s take on bill-paying drama

This week on The Judi & EJ Show, we dove into a question that stirred up a surprising amount of conversation: Who pays the bills in your relationship?

Now let’s be clear—we weren’t talking about who earns the money. We were talking about the act of paying the bills. Who actually sits down (or logs in) and makes sure the electric company gets paid before the lights go out?

Different couples, different systems

Judi shared that she and her husband have separate accounts, and each of them takes care of different household bills. They split the responsibility. Me? I’m the opposite. My wife and I have one joint account, and she handles all the bill paying.

And you know what? I’m totally fine with that.

There was a time, early in our marriage, when I took on that role. But let me tell you—it always put me in a bad mood. I just hated to see the money go! And let’s be real, early on in most marriages, money’s tight. Especially when you’ve got young kids and diapers to buy.

Back then, I practiced what I call “selective bill paying”—you know, pay whoever was bugging you the most! Whoever sent the red notice or called your house... they got paid first. Not exactly a financial strategy I’d recommend, but hey, we got through it.

Why paying bills can be an emotional burden

As time went on, we got more comfortable financially. But even now, the act of paying bills still messes with my otherwise even-keeled mood. So my wife continues to handle it—and thank goodness for things like direct deposit and automatic bill pay. These days, it’s money in, money out, all behind the scenes. No checkbooks, no stress.

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Do women still pay most of the household bills?

And based on what we heard from listeners, a lot of women out there are the ones managing the household bills. Studies back that up, too.

A 2019 Gallup survey found that in 37% of U.S. households, the woman primarily pays the bills, compared to 34% where the man does.

A Pew Research Center study showed many women feel they do more than their spouse when it comes to managing the household finances.

And a Federal Reserve/Boston Fed paper found that even when women are the primary earners, they still tend to take the lead on paying the bills.

What’s the right way to manage household money?

So if you're wondering what the “right way” is—there really isn’t one. Experts say it doesn’t matter who physically pays the bills, as long as both partners are in the loop financially. Communication and shared understanding are the key.

But no matter who handles the bills in your house, here’s my advice: Make sure you’re also putting a little aside to go out, have some fun, and forget about those bills every now and then.

And finally, a big thank you to my wife—for keeping the lights on, the bills paid, and my mood in check all these years!