What if NJ had its own Hallmark Channel at Christmastime? (Opinion)
The holidays can be stressful. So if you need a good laugh, the Hallmark Channel is there for you.
I know that a good laugh is not the intended mission of Hallmark Christmas movies. They are supposed to make you swoon with romance and get the feels. But if you ever sat through any of this drudgery you soon realized these poorly-acted schmaltzfests are always the same basic story.
Small town girl grew up moved to the big city... got a career, has an uncaring boyfriend... heads back home for the holidays in the middle of some sort of city boyfriend strife when she comes across the nice guy small town dude that she left behind... (Usually the first time she sees him he’s chopping firewood wearing an L.L.Bean shirt)... they reunite, agree to coffee... drama in big city increases with boyfriend... small town guy somehow gets involved and lends an ear...
As if there were not enough of these awful Hallmark Christmas movies, the Hallmark Channel just announced a whole bunch of new ones that you can read about here. And the titles are just so predictable and so...so Hallmark.
"A Kiss Before Christmas"
"Making Spirits Bright"
"A Very Merry Bridesmaid"
I honestly don’t know what made me think of this but it dawned on me New Jersey could use its own Hallmark Channel. Kind of like a Jersey subreddit. And what if we had one? What if New Jersey had its own Hallmark Channel at the holidays? What kind of Christmas movie titles would we see?
These would definitely have to make the list:
"A Very Merry Bookie"
"Pork Roll Egg and Christmas"
"Grandma Got Run Over By An Executive Order"
"I'll Be Home At Exit 12 For Christmas"
"Bribe The Halls"
"Rudolph The Roadkill Reindeer"
"A Very Camden Christmas"
"Miracle On Cell Block C"
"Christmas At Convention Hall"
"I Saw Mommy Knifing Santa Claus"
"Away In A Mangy Motel On Rt. 9"
"A Newark Noel"
"Jolly Old Saint Nick Scutari"
"Here Comes SantaCon"
"All I Want For Christmas Is Lower Property Taxes"
"Chris Christie vs. Kris Kringle...It's ON!"
"Frosty The Conman"
"The Grinch Who Stole An Election"
The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski. Any opinions expressed are Jeff Deminski's own.