How is there not one piece of Halloween candy in the building today?

I was kind of banking on this.

When 95% of your coworkers have children right in their trick-or-treating prime, it's generally expected that when November 1st rolls around, there's going to be some candy in the main lobby area. If it's not candy their kid collected the night before but didn't want, at the very least there's leftover candy our coworkers never had a chance to give away. Surely one of our coworkers' spouses would say, "Get this out of the house, I don't want to look at it," in fear of eating the entire bag.

I would eat the entire bag. Especially since I haven't eaten lunch. In day-after-Halloweens past, there's usually a candy assortment on the table pictured below.

Look, I'm not picky. I'll take Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, M&Ms, Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, and pretty much anything in between besides Almond Joys. You can keep those at home, Barbara. But here's the bottom line: I'm pushing 30 years old. I can't dress up and go door-to-door to collect candy because someone will call the police. That doesn't mean my taste buds are any more mature than that of a run-of-the-mill 12 year old.

I have a sweet tooth. Always have, always will. And the tradition of bringing extra Halloween candy to work the next day has always been my workaround. And yes, I know what you're thinking: Hey genius, another workaround would be walking to the store and getting a bag of your own damn candy. Well I've got news for you. It's even easier than that because we have a vending machine down the hall with a ton of candy in it. But that would not be as fun because it wouldn't be free.

Once Thanksgiving week concludes at the end of this month, my 101.5 compadres better not come in with leftover food. Christmas cookies in December? Save it, Allison. You had your chance. I'd rather eat a mini Snickers bar than your undercooked stuffing any day of the week.

I'm sorry for lashing out I just really want candy.

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