An open letter to New Jersey deer from a panicked driver (Opinion)

Dear New Jersey Deer,

Hey… Let’s talk.

I know we’ve both had a rough two years. We humans have been dealing with COVID, lockdowns, and an election cycle.

You guys have been dealing with a disease of your own, though you DID have a year without a lot of cars on the road, and it seemed to make you a little too comfortable on New Jersey roads.

Which brings me to my point: you guys need to f***ing COOL IT.

You are getting a little too wild. I acknowledge that historically November is the most dangerous month for deer collisions, we’re right in your rutting season, but this year you’re out of control.

I beg of you to be just a little less horny, practice some self-control when there are so many cars around!

I’m saying this for your own good.

Earlier this year, one of your brethren ran into my car, destroying the driver’s side door and taking its own life. Neither of us were happy about that.

In the last week or so I’ve seen at least half a dozen of you running through the roads with a devil may care attitude. Have some self-respect!

Then Tuesday night an adorable but reckless fawn ran in front of my car, it was within inches of being hit and barely made it out to tell the tale.

Can you guys please just practice basic safety procedures and maybe NOT run right in front of moving vehicles??

I don’t want to hit you, I’m not trying to have blood on my hands. YOU need to do your part in not making that happen.

Are you guys on Venmo? I’ll pay you to stop giving me an anxiety attack on my way home each night. Just reason with me here, I think we can work something out.

It’s Thanksgiving, we’re supposed to set aside our differences, right? So let’s just agree to avoid each other for a while.

Thank you for your understanding on this matter.

Sincerely,

This panicked, disgruntled, fed-up NJ driver

P.S. Before anyone points it out, OF COURSE I know deer can't read this, so next time you see one please read this out loud to it. Thanks!

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5's Kylie Moore. Any opinions expressed are Kylie's own. You can follow Kylie on Instagram.