In a recent article on, “This Slice Of Pizza Is The Final Evolution Of Thanksgiving Dinner, And It Is Glorious”, Jordie the author gets it all wrong in the first paragraph.

Yes Jordie, I AM one of those people who stands firm that Thanksgiving food is overrated, and yes Jordie, I already KNOW it’s because people can’t cook that turkey right.

But THAT is the whole problem. When you have 20 people in your home for dinner and you’re trying to cook a 500-pound beast to feed them all and time it perfectly right (no one ever does) plus prepare everything else, something is going to give. Sorry, we’re not all Gordon Ramsay.

Even when you have done the turkey perfectly, by the time it sits for the long process of carving the cooling and drying out has begun. If there’s one thing I hate about Thanksgiving it’s the cold, leathery dryness of failed turkey. Why even bother?

As if this yearly horror show weren’t enough, next we have a sadistic someone once deciding cranberry sauce belongs on the table. That bitter, gelatinous thing that audibly slurps its way out of a can like the alien out of Kane in the 1979 classic.

Then there’s the mashed potatoes, also typically gone cold because it takes a few jackass relatives 20 minutes to find their way to the table after everyone was called and God forbid anyone start without them.

Pretty much everything on the table on this one day a year I find revolting. I can’t be alone. Do we say traditional Thanksgiving fare is incredible because it’s incredible or because we are supposed to say it’s incredible?

Kylie Moore points out the unholy pizza is blasphemous. They took traditional food and piled it as toppings on a pizza. In other words they defiled pizza.

Now if you really want a good Thanksgiving, how about just actually get a real pizza?! Or a Philly cheesesteak? Jersey Mike’s subs? ANYTHING other than another year of cold turkey and the slithering ooze known as cranberry sauce. Frankly, it all tastes like a crime scene.

But hey, you do you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski. Any opinions expressed are Jeff Deminski's own.

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