We’ve already gone through all the reasons that the bag ban is stupid: That it's counterproductive, that it causes more trash and any of the plastic bags would, that manufacturing cloth bags takes a bigger toll on the environment than manufacturing plastic ones.

I could go on and on but you’ve already heard it ad nauseam.

Starting June 1, Walmart will transition to bagless delivery and customers will be able to leave out containers or reusable bags for delivery drop-off. Like what? Milk crates? Garbage Cans? Carton boxes? Shoe boxes?

But wait. If there are no bags, how does the Instacart shopper get the groceries from his or her car to put into my milk crates or garbage bins or boxes?

And further, how do they get the groceries into their cars? Should they try to carry them all in their arms? I came up with some better ideas than banning bags for reducing the use of plastic. (Well, not really better but just as senseless). Think about these!

Legislation To Propose State Wide Ban On Plastic Bags
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  • 1

    The honor system

    Load your cart as you shop. Then immediately exit the store without paying and unload your groceries into your car. When you get home, tally up and then send a check to Walmart.

  • 2

    House calls

    Like traveling salesmen of yore, have grocery store employees show up at your doorstep with suitcases full of food and grocery items. Or cargo pants with pockets stuffed with small items. Choose what you want from his sample cases and just purchase them right there on your porch.

  • 3

    Location, location, location

    Purchase a property in or adjacent to the Walmart parking lot. That way you really don’t need bags. You can just carry everything in your arms—making several trips — from the store checkout counter to your home - which would be approximately 20 feet away. Then return and do it all over again.

  • 4

    Drive through windows

    Simply pull into the drive-through lane, give your grocery order to the kid at the window, and he can throw each grocery two or three at a time through the back window into the backseat of your car. No bags, no muss, no fuss. (Unless he has really bad aim)

  • 5

    Construction vehicles

    Rent a dump truck or an excavator to follow you to Walmart. When you come out of the store you can simply empty your cart into either the dump truck or the excavator (depending on how big your order is). The vehicle can then simply follow you home and dump everything into your driveway or garage.

  • 6

    The US Postal Service

    After checking out, place all of your items into cartons or big manila envelopes with enough postage to allow the groceries to be mailed directly to your home. What a convenience! And no bags!

  • 7

    Photo Dump

    Have the Instacart shoppers simply take photos of all the food that you’re requesting that they buy. Then have them send you all the photos. And you can look at them. You’ll still be hungry but at least a few more turtles will live a few more years.