If you’re involved in sports and walk around your local sporting goods store, you’ll probably recognize most of the items in the store. But if you don’t go camping or fishing or play basketball or lacrosse or watch baseball or football and a lot of these items are going to be a mystery to you.

On a recent visit to my local sporting goods store all I needed was one specific item that had nothing to do with sports.

Weaving my way through all the isles to try to find what I needed made me realize I have no idea what any of this is. It was confusing and interesting to find out...

This chin protector

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

This chin strap situation was very confusing to me because I could not think of a sport where your chin would be more in danger than any other part of your body.

A Yeti dog bowl

Not only does no one need a $40 designer water bottle but no one needs a $50 designer dog bowl

Dried ice cream

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

It’s not that I couldn’t figure out what this item is it’s just that I couldn’t figure out a situation where someone actually would consume this dehydrated food. except for after nuclear war and nuclear war isn’t a sport is it

This funky cup

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

And here’s another item that really confused me. It’s not that I don’t know what this cup is for it’s that I don’t understand why the various attractive designs. Is it to show off the guys in the locker room? I mean isn’t this item kind of a private thing?

Football Pads

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

Yes, yes, I understand what this is for. But you got to admit if you came from another planet you wouldn’t be able to figure this out. Because you never really see them they go under the clothes. Don’t they?

Oxygen

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

I can’t figure out under which circumstances you would need this oxygen. Is there a sport that really saps you of the stuff?

Deadly Dick

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

Fishing stuff really confuses me because fishing itself confuses me so why the aggressive name?

Death Wish

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

Again. We get it. You want fish to die!!!! See above...

Nike Bow

Why is this Nike logo bowtie in the sporting goods store? Is it for cheerleaders' ponytails? Is it an adornment of some sort? Is it part of a sport? Is there a ponytail-making event in the Olympics that I don’t know about?

A luggable loo

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

Yes, I get it people got to do what they gotta do in the out of doors. I feel like I’d rather dig a hole though because this sort of seems like you’d have to keep a collection, you know what I mean?

Double Doodie

Judi Franco / NJ 101.5

Dig a hole. do the thing cover it up with lots of dirt. See above...

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Judi Franco. Any opinions expressed are Judi Franco’s own.

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