Dear idiot,

One day recently I spent several hours on the highways, even before my workday started. I was having a project done in my home, and I thought it would be easier to get my young boys out of there since they were home from school on spring break.

Every few miles I encountered one of you losers.

You who Jim Gearhart used to call the "Left Lane Richard," colloquially known as the "Left Lane D***." Behold the Left Lane Richard who travels in the passing lane at too slow a speed, sometimes not even at the speed limit, and refuses to get over to let people use the lane for its intended purpose.

You ought to know who you are. You have to know by now what you're doing. You certainly have enough people flashing their high beams at you from behind to give you a clue. You have more than your fair share of people tailgating you trying to convey the message that you're not supposed to be going this slow in the passing lane.

dragana991 GettyImages
dragana991 GettyImages

Slower traffic keep right. It's not just a suggestion. It's the law here in New Jersey and 44 other states.

Surely you've heard of it?

So I can only assume it's that you don't care. You must know that not a lot of people get pulled over and actually ticketed for this egregiousness. So you being the jackass you are use this to your advantage and try to play traffic cop. We assume that’s your endgame, trying to regulate everyone else's speed because you have unilaterally decided they're going fast enough.

Newsflash putz, you're not a cop!

Even state police will tell you what you're doing is wrong, both legally and morally, and to leave the speeding tickets to them. What really causes dangerous conditions is the sudden lane changes. When you park yourself in that left lane you have car after car after car come up behind you struggling to get you to obey the law and move out of the way until they finally pass you on the right. You are creating a dangerous situation. You are a jerk.


Get with the program or get the hell out of our state. If you want to drive like a moron, move to Pennsylvania.

You don't even rise to the level of a frustrated, Paul Blart mall cop. You're a dimwit in a car asserting power no one gave you. You're like the pouty little child who didn't get picked for hall monitor at school and you are just dying to tell other people what to do.

I think it's high time instead of Click It Or Ticket campaigns we had a month-long enforcement blitz by police for this obnoxious behavior of yours. And no warnings either. As steep a fine as possible along with any other petty thing they can find wrong with your car.

Do everyone a favor and drive in the right lane. It’s the kids’ table of the highway and you haven’t graduated from it yet.


Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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