7 signs you might be a New Jersey white Christmas lights snob

It may seem early for thoughts of decorating for the holidays, but some folks already have their Christmas trees up.

Some of those folks have their Christmas trees up with all-white lights. No colored lights, ever. Those all-white lights folks would likely never use the word folks. It’s just too, well, folksy.

They may use terms like citizens or fellowmen instead.

For, you see, the all-white lights set consider themselves a cut above the rest. Now, I’m not calling people, excuse me, fellowmen, out on a tree with all-white lights. If they have some colored lights anywhere else, perhaps on a smaller second tree, on the exterior of the home, or even one solitary bush on the side of the house, I’ll say they still have some magic and whimsy left in their soul.

No, I’m talking about the people who will never allow a bulb of color to cross their precious high-class doorstep. I’m talking about white lights everywhere. If you don’t believe they consider themselves above the rest of us, all I need to point out is how they always describe their all-white lights and their preference.

“They are just classier.”

Or…

“They’re just more sophisticated.”

Bam! There it is. So, by a logical process, we can know they think of colored lights and the people who love them as ‘not classy’ and ‘unsophisticated.’

So, as you’re gearing up to decorate for the holidays and wondering which person you might be, I’ll leave you with these seven signs that you might be a white lights snob.

You say sofa instead of couch, and maybe you can even confidently explain what a divan is.

You correct people’s grammar. A lot. As in constantly. Can I just please talk to you? Oh, gee, I’m sorry, MAY I?

You use a knife and fork on things like pizza and Big Macs. (If someone like you ever eats a pizza or a Big Mac.) If you’re in Keansburg doing that nonsense, you’d better take it to Short Hills.

You think Maurice Ravel’s “Bolero” is hotter make-out music than “Hotter Than Hell” by Dua Lipa or “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel.

You watched “The Devil Wears Prada” and felt Anne Hathaway was the villain.

You name your pets Jaguar and Mercedes just so people within earshot think you own one.

You think Princeton has a bad section.

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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