No dancing, no frowning, no fun? Dumb, bizarre NJ laws exposed

We’ve heard it said perhaps for each new law that the Legislature or a town council passes, an old one should be taken away. Probably not a bad idea. Especially when you do a deep dive like I did looking up insane laws that New Jersey either has or once had at the state or local level.

It’s a jungle on those law books, I tell ya!

Some of these laws are so preposterous that we wonder what possibly could have transpired for them to have once seemed necessary. If you come up with any theories on any of these, feel free to share them via an email or the chat feature on the NJ101.5 app.

Dumbest, weirdest New Jersey laws

Illegal to eat a pickle in public on a Sunday in Trenton. Further, illegal to throw a bad pickle onto the street.

What possibly could have happened is that the local town council said, “You know why we’re in the mess we’re in in this capital city? Pickles. Those damn pickles!”

There was, or maybe still is, a law on the books that in the state of New Jersey, men are not allowed to knit during fishing season.

Imagine the anarchy that would break out, the very hellscape New Jersey would have become if our men were not catching fluke because they were too busy putting together a cardigan. (Thanks to Dennis Malloy for teaching me that fluke is a fish.)

No playing Bingo in Hoboken until 1 p.m.

Because surely then we’d next have Yahtzee at 9:00 a.m., and then we’d lose America. (All together now - “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”)

It is illegal to buy a car on Sundays in New Jersey.

At least with the history of blue laws, we see where this came from, but God forbid we allow people to shop for cars on the single day of the week most people are off from work to do so.

Illegal in Manville to offer cigarettes or any form of tobacco to zoo animals.

What is the craziest thing here? There’s no record of there ever having been a zoo in Manville.

No dancing on Main Street in Caldwell. With no explanation why not, and no explanation why only on Main Street, it’s one of Jersey’s more baffling laws. It's a safe bet that Kevin Bacon was not pleased.

Bernards Township banned people from frowning anywhere within city limits. Hey, at least it wasn’t only on Main Street. Yes, I’m looking at you, Caldwell.

The state criminal code bars the selling of handcuffs to minors and can earn you six months in jail. When arrested for this, are you allowed to use your handcuffs, you know, the ones you were trying to sell to the minor?

Newark requires businesses that sell ice cream after 4 p.m. and have outdoor areas where 20 people or more could congregate to provide security guards. Maybe Joe Biden would be interested in this job? He’s out of work and sure loves ice cream.

Illegal to use your airplane to "intentionally kill or attempt to kill any birds" in New Jersey. I’ll let Captain Sully explain why no pilot would want to do that.

A DUI will cost you a personalized license plate for 10 years following a drunk-driving conviction. Right, because the loss of a driver’s license, thousands of dollars in fines, astronomical insurance hikes, and breathalyzer ignition locks were child’s play.

Illegal to slurp soup in public. Uh, hello? With Campbell’s, we practically invented soup. Don’t tell us we can’t slurp what we sell.

Illegal to annoy someone of the opposite sex in public in Haddon Township. In private, it’s legal. It’s called marriage.

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5's Kylie Moore. Any opinions expressed are Kylie's own. You can follow Kylie on Instagram.
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