Let NJ stand united against ungodly DiGiorno Thanksgiving pizza
My loathing of traditional Thanksgiving food has been well-documented.
Turkey, always too dry. And by the time everyone finds the table, too cold. Cranberry sauce, an abomination, especially if you have the kind that comes slurp-oozing out of a can making a sound only comparable to the alien crawling out of John Hurt’s torso.
Green bean casserole? Yeah, I don’t care that it was invented in New Jersey. It seems political corruption was likely invented in New Jersey too and I’m no more in favor of that.
While I’m with the minority in my opinion on Thanksgiving food, I think we can all agree this smorgasbord does not belong on a pizza. If only DiGiorno frozen pizza agreed.
Yes, the company has announced they’re now offering a Thanksgiving pizza. Toppings are turkey, green beans, sweet potatoes, crispy onions, gravy and cranberries.
On…a pizza.
To quote Taylor Swift, you need to just stop. Like can you just not?
The problem?
We’re forgetting what pizza is. If pizza can have anything as a topping, pizza is no longer pizza. It’s just become a plate. A plate of dough. Nothing more. Throw a pile of spaghetti on it. Throw a porterhouse on it. Whatever.
No. Not whatever. We’re Jersey, damn it. Pizza used to mean something. Make pizza great again!
By the way, this abomination known as DiGiorno’s Thanksgiving pizza is not available in stores. So at least we don’t have to have it shoved in our face. It’s only available through online ordering at DiGiorno’s website. Which I could give you. But then I’d be complicit.
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Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.
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