An open letter to the darn groundhogs who predicted winter for NJ

Hey Groundhogs,

You guys / gals have been pretty kind to the Garden State the past few years.

While you may have predicted a longer winter once or twice, you haven’t predicted one this bad.

Like, I’m talking one of the worst storms in 30 years bad.

So as one of the New Jerseyans who got over 2 feet of snow in the past several days in addition to what was still on the ground from a few weeks ago, I must say: I’m not the biggest fan of you right now.

READ MORE: Take the snowstorms seriously, NJ — my home was almost destroyed

You’re “cute” and all, but you need to understand how annoyed many of us are making us deal with this awful weather.

With all due respect, Groundhogs, there are some Garden State punishments that I genuinely wish upon you all as I stare out the window seeing this view after the storm.

New Jersey punishments the groundhogs deserve for this snow

Commuting behind a Pennsylvania groundhog

There’s nothing like the hell of being behind someone from out of state on New Jersey roads. May you be punished by trying to scurry behind Punxatawney Phil as he goes 10 feet under your rodent speed limit.

YOU clean off our cars

Don’t just leave us to deal with the inches of ice and snow on our vehicles. Make use of that tail and help us get rid of it.

Lousy rodents.

Nibbling on a deep-dish Chicago-style pizza

We in New Jersey know what a real slice of pizza, and it’s not deep-dish. That’s basically stew on dough.

And frankly, groundhogs? It’s what you deserve right now.

Start paying New Jersey property taxes

A fate worse than Hell. Although at least in Hell you’d be warm.

I mean this with all sincerity, I wish these experiences on you so you may see the error of your ways for burying us in this much snow.

Let’s do better next Groundhog Day.

Sincerely,
Frozen New Jerseyans

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5's Kylie Moore. Any opinions expressed are Kylie's own. You can follow Kylie on Instagram.

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