For anybody that has had to sit through a graduation here in New Jersey in late May or early June, you may already be familiar with some of the things I'm going to tell you. For those who have not, please take notes and prepare yourself.

  1. It's a pointless, over-hyped, self aggrandizing, hot, humid waste of time. Bring a cool beverage and a flask of hard liquor or a weed vape pen.
  2. Your kid is NOT special. He or she hasn't done anything yet, despite the hollow academic achievements and/or scores.
  3. The speeches are banal, boring, pointless exercises in self promotion and empty platitudes with rare exception.
  4. You've just paid for (or your kid is about to pay for) a four year odyssey of cramming in pointless, useless "knowledge" with occasional breaks of binge drinking, poor hygiene and eating habits, risky social behavior and distancing themselves from your values and familial loyalty.
  5. It's largely a social media contest to see what grad and their family and friends looks the coolest on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, etc.

Sure you're proud and it is an accomplishment and a gateway in which to watch your son or daughter enter into adulthood. I sincerely wish you and them well and a bright future. With the exception of a few areas of study, like science, engineering or medicine, college in this country in our time is a scam. An expensive, almost obligatory giant waste of time and energy, that needs fixing badly. But for now we're stuck with this. Who knows where it will lead us to. So in summary, congratulations and best of luck! Wish I could be there with you to take in all of the specialness that this is not!

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