10 ways Phil Murphy could be Santa Claus
Tuesday is the day the Christie years ended and the Murphy years began. While I wish Phil Murphy all the best (for our sake not for his) I have major doubts. There were so many campaign promises backed by so few details that he comes across like a modern day Santa Claus. Scott Calvin without the red suit. No round belly but isn’t that skeletal frame actually better suited to travel down a chimney? So in what ways will Murphy be like Santa? Let me count thy ways.
1) Rebuild our infrastructure. The billion dollar gas tax hike was not even enough after past administrations squandered the Transportation Trust Fund. So where will the money come from? Have faith, innocent child.
2) Free community college for everyone. We assume this could mean even those on the naughty list?
3) More gun control. Because as Santa told Ralphie in A Christmas Story, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid!"
4) Sanctuary state. A true Santa finds you wherever you are, right? So he’ll even find you when you’re not supposed to be here. Gifts for all.
5) $15 an hour minimum wage. Seems he wants to buy approval ratings just as he bought the election. After all, how can a family of four be raised on minimum wage? Exactly, Santa, maybe you should consider condoms in their stockings instead.
6) Legalize marijuana. This might be Santa's most important gift, to help taxpayers forget the cost of all the other gifts. "Open this one first," says Santa.
7) Fully fund schools. With a twinkle in his eye and $1.3 billion in tax increases, he says good boys and girls deserve this.
8) Fully fund pensions. But how Santa, how? "Grow the economy, lad, grow the economy." But how will you do that Santa? "Uh...here, have a candy cane."
9) No more PARCC. Which, when you open this gift right now, would be a completely empty box as he has no plan on how to replace it.
10) His many elves to do the work. With far more Democratic elves than Republicans elves in the legislature, Phil Murphy's Santa work will have lots of help with the heavy lifting.
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