10 New Jersey Beach Commandments: 2018 Edition
Summer is here and it’s time for something that is as much a part of the season as eating pizza and ice cream on the boardwalk – enjoying a cocktail on your deck or watching kids jump in a pool.
It is that one day each June when I share the rules that should apply when it comes to beach behavior and etiquette. You can take these with a grain of sand, but I’m an expert with decades of experience when it comes to sitting on the beach and observing what takes place around me.
Moses can take credit for his better-known version but only I have my name attached to the “Ten Beach Commandments.”
Editor's Note: Is this starting to sound familiar? It should. Judi Franco put together her own 10 Commandments of Beach Etiquette last year — and they're dripping with snark. How do Kevin's compare?
- WEAR A BATHING SUIT THAT FITS YOUR BODY and not that of the model in the swimsuit ad. Gravity does things to us as we get older so if you’re going to wear a wedge bikini or Speedo take a good look in the mirror. Better yet ask someone who will give you an honest answer.
- DON’T CROWD THY NEIGHBOR. Yes our beaches get crowded but there is no reason to sit right on top of others…this is not Coney Island.Seek space between yourself and those nearby who were there before you.
- LEARN HOW TO OPERATE YOUR BEACH UMBRELLA especially on a windy day. Make sure the base is dug in well, angle the umbrella into the wind and keep it as low as possible. When it does take off like a javelin and nearly kills someone don’t laugh and then put it back up the same way.
- DON’T THROW THE BALL OR FRISBEE WHERE IT’S CROWDED. For some reason guys who never play football bring one to the beach and insist on tossing it around in the middle of people. Same for Frisbees!
- DON’T SHAKE OUT YOUR TOWEL OR BLANKET NEAR OTHER PEOPLE. It’s likely covered in sand so go to an open area and shake it out downwind.
- FILL IN THE HOLES YOU DIG. I’ll never understand this but for some reason when people come to the beach they have an obsession with digging, especially fathers and sons (usually dad digs and son watches). Whatever when you are done excavating fill in the hole so nobody falls in it.
- DON’T FEED THE SEAGULLS. I know you’re a bird lover and have a kind heart but when you feed one gull you bring the entire colony and they’re likely to leave their mark on someone’s head. And by the way the food you’re feeding them is actually harmful to the birds.
- NO SMOKING MEANS NO SMOKING! Enough said.
- DON’T WALK ON THE DUNES. Nothing worse than watching parents allow their children to walk or run on the dunes when there’s signs all over saying to stay off of them.
- FOLLOW THE LIFEGUARD'S DIRECTIONS. Yes you’re fine in 5 feet of water in your backyard pool but the ocean is a different story and even the best swimmers are no match for rip tides. When a lifeguard blows the whistle follow his/her directions and don’t wave back.
Follow these simple rules and enjoy your time at the beach. More importantly, don’t ruin it for me and others.
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