‘Twas The Night Before Murphy — A holiday tale for NJ

I wrote this parody of Clement Clarke Moore’s classic “A Visit From St. Nicholas” more commonly called “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas” just before Phil Murphy was sworn in as governor in 2018. You can decide for yourself if some of what is in here did or didn’t come true.

Five years later and with the holidays upon us I thought it was time to revisit it. Not to mention he’d probably like to be sworn in once more in 2025 for an even higher position. I hope you enjoy it in the fun spirit it was meant, but if it offends you throw some coal in my stocking.

'Twas the night before Murphy
and all through the state
a fear was looming
things wouldn’t be great.
Our government bonds
hang by a thin thread
while a downward rating
is what Moody’s said.

The voters were nestled all
snug in their beds
while visions of change danced in their heads.
Mama gets no new kerchief
because my salary cap
has turned this Christmas to a pile of crap

All year long there was such a clatter
filled with debates that now do not matter.
On November 7th Phil Murphy had a bash.
He’d won the election with Goldman Sachs cash.

I hoped we would get someone in the know
and not this goon who surely will blow.
A face like a jack-o-lantern with eyes all aglow,
could bring our poor state to a terrible low,
where a minimum wage couple could earn 62,000 a year,
just the uncertainty every small business fears.

Not to mention paid days for all who are sick
no matter if times are thin or are thick.
Republicans stand back shaking heads in shame
While Democrats line up for progressive games.

"Now Codey, now Sweeney,
Now Wisniewski and Watson,
On Prieto, On Quijano,
On Burzichelli and Coughlin

To the top of the dome
and to all statehouse walls
We'll tax them to Hell
We'll tax one and all!

When once in awhile we find an eye that is dry
of the tears all the other residents cried,
we'll double our efforts to tax those ones too
because after all it's what Democrats do!"

Forgive me for skewering them in this spoof
but I'm worried my home state will finally go poof.
As I draw in my breath and prepare to stand ground
I'm uncertain Phil Murphy will turn things around.

It seems he's ready to give away the store.
Is this ghosts of politics past or have we not been here before?
He pulls free college out of his pack.
Affording it how? Is this guy on crack?

"Let's shore up our transit, our rails and our ferries,
Don't look at the cost, just look at my merry
outlook when all the while you must know
there's not enough of an economy to grow.

The lies that will fall from my oversized teeth
will give way to New Jersey's funeral wreath
If my promises all seemed a little bit shady
and you hear the warm up of the songstress fat lady,

You can search your own soul and just blame yourself
and place hopes of better days high up on a shelf.
Because you, dear voter, believed what I said
So look in the mirror when Jersey is dead."

I'll speak not a word, I'll still go to work
and somehow try to outlast this jerk.
With bills piling up and a salary froze,
I cannot believe the governor they chose.

My words surely make some of you bristle,
go right ahead and give them dismissal.
But I swear I saw him mouth words election night,
"Will the last one to leave Jersey please turn out the light?”

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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