Whoever said that people shouldn't ever feel ashamed oughta be ashamed.

"Body shaming" "fat shaming" etc. are the buzz words of the decade and they seem to imply that shame is a bad thing. Shame is what regulates your moral compass, keeps you on the straight and narrow and motivates you to behave according to societal standards and morés.

In a society where everything is okay as long as you feel the all important feelings such as "safety," "happiness," "acceptance" and "comfort," shame is a dirty word. But if You acknowledge that life is not supposed to be easy and comfy-cozy all the time and that difficulties are part of the fabric of life and make you stronger, you realize how flawed this idea is. While difficult, shame is an integral part of the human condition and essential to moral code. If you have made horrible choices in your life, for example, abusing drugs (which is a choice by the way, it's not a disease that just happens to you) then feel some shame, dammit!

When I was young and my parents said "you oughta be ashamed" I knew that meant that a little self-correction was in order. So telling people that they shouldn't feel ashamed is unnatural at best, and detrimental at worst. So if you really want to help a friend improve, especially a friend who's a drug addict, you should, of course, be a good listener, be supportive and be there for them emotionally. But also, don't forget to shame 'em a little. Eventually, they'll thank you for it.

Dennis and Judi are on the air weekdays from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Tweet them @DennisandJudi or @NJ1015.

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