Co-worker indicted on charges of eating oddly

A grand jury today returned an indictment against Deminski & Doyle co-worker Kylie Moore on criminal charges of eating oddly. The law is defined as:

eating in an unusual or subversive manner as to cause public alarm or mayhem.

It's a little known criminal statute that was brought forward by the prosecutor's office when Bill Doyle filed a formal complaint. This occurred after Jeff Deminski witnessed Moore partaking in a glazed donut in the lunch room in an unconventional manner using a knife and fork. The following photograph was submitted to the authorities.

Alright, seriously though folks, we love Kylie but who eats a donut with a knife and fork? Yes, it was glazed. But if the momentary sticky fingers are an issue it came wrapped in one of those waxy tissue papers one could hold it with. I mean c'mon, a donut is the ultimate finger food.

Just like pizza. What's that you say? You seem to recall hearing about her also eating pizza with a knife and fork? You're not wrong!

Now if you think that's not odd enough, take a look at the rest of her long rap sheet here when it comes to eating food oddly.

She also eats M&Ms one at a time.

She only uses one slice of cheese in a grilled cheese.

She eats popcorn one at a time. And when eating popcorn one at a time, she's using chopsticks.

No, I'm not kidding. Chopsticks!

Now I thought my son was odd when I saw him eating strawberries and dunking them in ketchup. But that's normal compared with what ungodly thing another co-worker, 7pm-11pm host Steve Trevelise, does to strawberries. Steve eats them whole, with the leafy green still attached. I really wonder if he bothers peeling a banana.

Ever see someone pile their food all on top of itself, corn on top of beans on top of mashed potatoes? It's like a disgusting dormant volcano. My father used to do this.

Or how about this one. Ever see someone eat only one food item entirely before moving on to the next one, rather than having a bite of steak, a bite of baked potato, and back and forth?

No wonder the country is so divided. Forget politics. We can't even agree on diagonal or straight across cuts on a sandwich.

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski. Any opinions expressed are Jeff Deminski's own.