A Very Jersey Christmas — 11 perfect NJ holiday gifts for 2016

Getting gifts for the the special person in your life can be difficult, especially for those living in the Garden State.

In order to help make the holiday shopping season easier, I came up with 11 New Jersey gift ideas that will make living in this state more comfortable in 2017.

1. Ultra slim wallet

Why bulk up your pants pocket with the average size wallet, when in NJ the government is gonna take so much of your hard earned cash, you won't need that much space?

2. A framed Photo of Governor Christie hugging President Obama

Own a memorialized image of a moment that will live in history: Just after Hurricane Sandy, the turning point in the Christie administration, where our hope for the state ended and his hope for the Presidency began.

3. An at-home Gasoline Pump simulator

For the frustrated gas-pumper wanna-be in your life, the satisfaction to pump his or her own, without the threat of a ticket or fine!

4. Swarovski Crystal-encrusted, monogrammed EZpass transponder

For that special commuter, you know who has no choice but to own an EZpass (since it's become almost impossible to pay a toll without one). If you've got to have that ugly plastic thing gracing your windshield, at least make it a showpiece!

5. Swarovski Crystal-encrusted, monogrammed beach badge

You gotta have one, right? (See above)

6. Pork Roll/Taylor Ham of the Month Club membership

12 Yummy varieties of the same exact thing(6 mo. Taylor Ham/6 mo. Pork Roll). With just enough time in between to lower your cholesterol again. Variety? Nah. That's for other states.

7. Integrated In-Car Gas Masks

Especially helpful on some of our smellier stretches of road, you'll only need this occasionally, but why not have it when you need it?

8. Ultra luxurious backyard tent

Have it ready for the not-too-distant future, when your property taxes spike to the point where you can no longer afford to live inside an actual home. Just ask your neighbor if you can pitch the tent there! (Note: Helpful to cozy up to the neighbor beforehand.)

9. Plane ticket to North Carolina

...For when the neighbor says no.

10. Statehouse Tour, 2020

Your gleaming new statehouse should be ready by then. See where your $300 million went! View the new duct work, peer through those modern windows, enjoy the shiny new woodwork! Hey, you may get to catch a glimpse of one of our fine lawmakers hard at work, and have a moment to scream in frustration at him or her!

11. A Wall

Strategically placed along an arbitrary horizontal line across the middle of the state. Doesn't matter exactly where. You can drop it anywhere, just as long is once it's up, we all agree that that's where North and South Jersey divide. Let the arguments end there. Who's gonna pay for it, you ask? You know who! Mexico!

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