7 reasons not to listen to Bruce Springsteen as he turns 70

The Boss is having a birthday and it’s a big one. The big seven oh. He’s been at the music game a long time, from his teenage days in the Castiles to superstardom.

But what really is the big deal about Bruce Springsteen? While the rest of New Jersey is going gaga over his birthday on September 23, here are 7 reasons to never listen to Springsteen.

1) He never served his country

During the Vietnam War he received his draft notice but failed his physical exam, which he admits he helped along in that direction. He also has supported a huge number of charitable causes like helping raise money for Sandy victims here in Jersey and received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. But we all know there’s only one way to serve one’s country. Amiright?

2) You’ll go broke

If you start listening now you’ll have so much catching up to do you’ll face bankruptcy. With dozens of studio albums and live albums not to mention books and box sets, it’ll cost you a pretty penny listening to this guy.

3) You’ll need to see a doctor

You will quickly develop earwormitis and might just need a shrink. Who needs “tonight ... in ... jun ... gle ... laaaaaaaand” on a loop in their head all day?

4) You’ll develop an addiction

Bruce should come with a warning label. Once you catch the Boss bug it will be impossible to break. Look at Chris Christie who’s seen Springsteen well over 140 times, or Sarfraz Manzoor, the real-life Javed from the movie Blinded By The Light, who's reached almost 160.

5) You won’t be happy settling

You’ll have a harder time in life by not going along passively to simply get by. You’ll want better, and that my friend can lead to some real struggles.

“Talk about a dream
Try to make it real
You wake up in the night
With a fear so real
Spend your life waiting
For a moment that just don't come
Well don't waste your time waiting
Badlands, you gotta live it every day
Let the broken hearts stand
As the price you've gotta pay
We'll keep pushin' till it's understood
And these badlands start treating us good”

6) You’ll become a hopeless romantic

You’ll start to see relationships and priorities through a different filter. You’ll demand true love and won’t rest until you have it.

“When I lost you honey sometimes I think I lost my guts too
And I wish God would send me a word
Send me something I'm afraid
Lying in the heat of the night like prisoners all our lives
I get shivers down my spine and all I want to do is hold you tight
Baby, baby, baby, I swear I'll drive all night again, just to buy you some shoes
And to taste your tender charms”

7) You’ll no longer need to go to church

Many people describe going to a Bruce show as a spiritually uplifting and soul renewing experience. Indeed I’ve seen Bruce in concert have the fiery passion of a Pentecostal figure but preaching the scripture of love, hope and rock and roll. If you want to risk your faith for this sort of life-affirming humanity, then you’ve been warned.