Planet fitness to offer free workouts… who goes to the GYM?
If you have a teenager between 15 and 18 with no plans for this summer and you want to keep them out of dangerous gangs, send them to the gym. Planet fitness is offering free workouts for teens this summer where they get to take a free fitness class once every weekday all summer long.
I can just see the collection of pasty, cellar dwelling, doughy boys with bad haircuts being dumped off at Planet Fitness only to be glared at by the dues paying faux fit, fully fit and fairly fat patrons wondering why all these awkward kids are doing here. Tell them to bring their smart phones so they can post their amazing workout stories on Instagram and snapchat.
It's a pretty good deal if you're a parent. You get to dump the sullen, closed mouth, socially awkward shlump for a couple of hours of awkwardness. And it's a great deal for Planet Fitness. They get to reach an untapped market of future self worshiping, body obsessed, ear bud wearing, dues paying patrons. If you couldn't tell already, I hate the gym. I get more done with a mat on the floor and a couple of hand weights on my living room floor than I ever could driving to some weird "studio" surrounded by strangers who give odd, quick glances out of the corners of their eyes as they walk by each other breathlessly. Unless you're part of an Olympic team training together for a common goal, what are you doing there?!
The athletic jock kids will already be involved in some activity. The handful of kids that can still go out with friends and ride bikes or get involved in a pick-up game will be busy being normal(yeah like that actually happens anymore). And the camp kids will be doing stuff outdoors and learning how to actually DO things WITH other people. So who will show up at these classes? I would love to see it. If it weren't so horrendously creepy, I'd be there every day taking video to witness the carnage. There are over 60 PF locations in New Jersey, so you won't have any trouble finding one near you. There are two in Brick!
But hey, maybe I'm too much of a cynic and in summers of the future, free classes at Planet Fitness every day will become a right of passage. I sincerely hope every teen and every franchise location gets everything they want out of this program. And every mom gets an hour of relief with a full glass of white zinfandel every weekday this summer.
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