Nobody knows where to look during ‘happy birthday’ and it shows

I want to start this off by saying that I deeply appreciate anyone who has ever been there for a birthday celebration of mine. It is so sweet for people to come out and party with someone who is turning a year older.

That said there’s one tradition that I feel like we can just get rid of.

Isn’t it so awkward when people sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you?

What is one supposed to do when others are singing “Happy Birthday” to, or dare I say, at you?

Do you make eye contact? Smile? Look at the cake? Stare at the candles like you’re trying to communicate with them telepathically?

I always feel like I’m performing in a play I never auditioned for.

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If I smile too much, I look like I’m loving the attention. Or it'll look too forced like Nikki in the movie 'Obsession.' If I don’t smile enough, I look ungrateful.

Should I mouth the words along? That somehow feels even weirder.

Am I supposed to clap when it’s over? Why does this 20-second song feel like it lasts three business days?

And then there’s the singing itself.

Let’s be honest. Most of us aren’t exactly auditioning for Broadway. A room full of people trying to find the same key at the same time sounds less like a celebration and more like a smoke detector with low batteries.

Then there are the group birthdays.

If you’re celebrating three people at once, what are the rules?

Do you sing every single name? By the third one, the song has doubled in length and everyone is running out of enthusiasm. Do you just substitute “everybody” instead? Is that rude?

Is there an official birthday-song etiquette committee that settled this years ago and I somehow missed the memo?

I know it’s done with love, and I genuinely appreciate the gesture. I really do.

But if we’re asking for birthday wishes, here’s mine:

Let’s retire the group singalong. Bring me the cake. Tell me “Happy Birthday.” Give me a hug. We’ll all be happier for it.

Or maybe I’m just overthinking the entire thing. Actually… don’t answer that. I already know I am.

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The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5's Kylie Moore. Any opinions expressed are Kylie's own. You can follow Kylie on Instagram.

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