Cold pizza in NJ is an amoral scourge (Opinion)
We have reached a dangerous crossroads. Cold pizza has landed in New Jersey as a thing.
Now before my time, there was some guy I read about in the history books named Barry Goldwater. Some didn’t know what to make of this politician because he was quite liberal on social issues like gays serving openly in the military, legalization of medicinal marijuana, abortion rights and environmental protection. On the other hand he reformed his Republican Party in a conservative way that set the path for the Reagan Revolution.
I’m like that in a lot of ways. On money and spending and taxes, on criminal justice, I’m very conservative. On social issues I’m very liberal.
Look, if you are consenting adults, it’s none of my business who does what to whom in the bedroom. Wear feather boas and bring in trampolines while blasting RuPaul and have an orgy for all I care.
But pizza is another matter.
And before America goes careening wildly off course into a Sodom and Gomorrah culinary downfall I must speak up.
It has come to my attention thanks to Jeremy Schneider of NJ.com that in a small pizza shop in Sussex County serving cold pizza is catching on.
In Sussex County! A county Trump carried in 2020 by almost 59%!
Look, cold pizza is beyond the pale. There’s snowflake liberalism and then there’s outright moral anarchy. Serving pizza cold and not as God intended has brought us to such a brink today.
According to Schneider, the culprit is Carmine’s Pizza in Netcong. As part of some foodie event a food blog was involved with, Carmine’s was recently serving a slice of pizza with cold cheese thrown on top.
Now granted, the entire slice wasn’t cold but this is like a gateway drug. And granted, this was for an event and isn’t on their regular menu but as Schneider points out, if you ask for it you know they’ll comply now that this unholy Rubicon has been crossed.
Will it be long before other pizza joints follow suit then carry it further and serve entirely cold slices of pizza?
This is no joke! It upsets the natural order of the universe.
People who eat cold pizza straight from the fridge need to have a psychiatric exam. It is not OK to eat pizza cold. Dare I say it’s even worse than eating it with a fork or at the very least on par. If we accept a world where cold pizza is OK then anything is OK. And if anything is OK then nothing is OK!
If this catches on in a red county like Sussex I’m willing to go so far as to ask them to secede from the state. Go be part of New York if you want to engage in such perversion.
Cold pizza is not funny. It’s not cute. It’s not OK. Is it our own fault? When pineapple found its way into pizza years ago good men did nothing. We sat by as pizza covered in chocolate became a meal that identified as a dessert.
We cannot sit by and let cold pizza become normalized for our next generation. I will lead this fight. You either stand with me or you’re part of the permissive problem.
This ends now!
Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.
You can now listen to Deminski & Doyle — On Demand! Hear New Jersey’s favorite afternoon radio show any day of the week. Download the Deminski & Doyle show wherever you get podcasts, on our free app, or listen right now: