I must have missed the memo about needing a degree in advanced math to shop at a supermarket in New Jersey.

Or maybe they taught this stuff at some point in high school and I wasn't paying attention that day.

Regardless, there's one aisle (or "isle" if you want to pretend you are on vacation) in the supermarket that will drive you absolutely insane.

Now, I like being a thrifty shopper. I still cut a couple of coupons once and a while and I'll go through the app of my favorite supermarket each week to save some money.

One step further, I actually pay attention to the unit price part of the sticker on a shelf to see what is really a better bargain.

That is, unless I need to buy paper towels.

Have you ever tried to do what I call "paper towel math" in a supermarket in New Jersey?

• BIG BUCKS: From October 2019 to October 2020, Americans bought nearly \$6.5 billion worth of paper towels.

The next time you go food shopping here in the Garden State, try to make sense of this.

With this brand, 6 of their big rolls is the same as 9 regular rolls.

Next to that, 6 double rolls is the same as 12.

But wait -- now we have mega rolls. 8 of those is 15 of the basic ones.

But doesn't that mean the mega rolls are smaller than the double rolls? 8 should equal 16, not 15, right?

Anyway... if 8 mega rolls isn't mega enough, now 15 mega rolls is the same as having 28 of the other kind...

At least there, 8 into 15 is just about the same as 15 into 28, so no win, no loss.

Then, just when you think you've figured it out, along comes the triple roll.

If you've lost count, so far, we have:

• Regular rolls
• Big Rolls
• Double rolls
• Triple rolls
• Mega rolls

Now were back to the triple rolls -- and this one shows you what "triple" means in case you didn't know.

In paper towel math, 1 equals 3 -- and now you know how Common Core math was developed.

12 into 24 -- got it.

And for the grand finale... "doubles plus" where 8 equals 20.

8 equals 20? Doubles plus? What the hell is that?

You know Marge, I was thinking about buying double rolls of paper towels -- then, I was like, 'what if I wanted to take a gamble and ride the lightning and go for the triple rolls' -- could you imagine!? Crazy talk, I know... so I settled for the doubles plus instead. That's about all I can handle.

By now, you've spent 20 minutes trying to buy paper towels, your starting to forget what day it is, and your ice cream has melted (better grab some paper towels to clean up the mess) -- and it turns out, buying the store brand of the much-mocked regular-sized paper towel roll is actually the cheapest way to go.

As a state, we need to have a serious discussion soon about paper towel math. There's an office or committee for everything else in this state -- maybe someone should fund a New Jersey Paper Towel Roll Measurement Committee.

I guarantee you'd find 9 or 10 politicians who would serve on it (that would be 5-6 double politicians, 3-4 triple politicians, or 2.5 doubles politicians).

And don't get me started on yogurt. We don't need that many freakin' brands of yogurt...