If you were driving down Route 3 in Clifton last Tuesday around 9:45 pm, no you're not crazy, that really was a clown who climbed up onto a billboard and gestured at motorists. Knowing the state of clown frenzy NJ is in I'm pretty sure I can guess what kinds of gestures the clown was making, too. By the time police arrived the clown had already made his escape, probably in one of those overcrowded little stupid clown cars.

The clown reports just keep piling up. A jester with a sword running after a kid in Warren County. A truck full of clowns causing trouble in Mercer County. A man in a clown mask creepily hanging out near a Wayne school. In Pohatcong on September 29th a dad was driving a family hearse around the parking lot of a Walmart with his son dressed as a clown sitting on the hood of the vehicle. I guess my dad and I were never close since we never did this?

This hysteria needs to end. We now have schools suggesting a ban on clown costumes for Halloween so no one gets freaked out. Maybe I'm part of the problem when I write 'a man in a clown mask creepily hanging out...' Maybe I need to write 'a man in a clown mask STUPIDLY hanging out...' Because no one has gotten hurt. No one has been attacked. It's just been a lot of prepubescent morons with nothing better to do than try to freak people out. If folks would stop buying into it and stop being freaked out the clown nonsense would go away. Honestly, how stupid will the jerk in the clown costume feel if he's running along a sidewalk covered in fake blood and no one bats an eye, no one bothers calling police, no one breaks stride, and the most anyone says to him is, "'Sup?"

I understand coulrophobia is a very real thing for some people. But for the rest of us, stop buying into it! Ignore it! As will I. Unless someone is actually attacked by one of these nitwits, I won't be writing another thing about clowns. Startinnnnnnnnnng now.

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