Tootsie Rolls are the NJ toxic dump of Halloween candy (Opinion)

It’s hard to believe — no, impossible to believe — the credibility of any study saying Tootsie Pops are New Jersey’s favorite Halloween candy. Because at their center lies the makings of a Tootsie Roll. Which with no doubt is the Fennimore Landfill of candy. The toxic dump of sweets. The smelly exit 13A of goodies.

At least with a Tootsie Pop they had the right idea of fully encasing a Tootsie Roll like a dangerous spent nuclear fuel rod to keep it from humanity. But they stupidly made the casing a lollipop to encourage people to eat their way through to get at this small brown hazmat pukewad.

That’s like making dangerous-for-children edibles look like gummy snacks. You don’t do it.

Tootsie Rolls without a doubt are the most disappointing thing a kid can see in the bottom of their trick-or-treat bag. At best it’s something to trade with the weird kid for some actual candy.

Yes, more disappointing than a popcorn ball. More disappointing than Necco wafers.

If you want to break a child’s spirit this spooky season, by all means, buy Tootsie Rolls. (Or Tootsie Pops if you want to lure them into eating it.)

Speaking of buying, are Tootsie Pops the most popular in New Jersey for Halloween because it’s cheaper than other, better candy? So when people are buying for stranger’s kids they’re just looking to throw something in a bag. Are they buying themselves or their kids Tootsie Pops and Tootsie Rolls? Or are they buying real candy, like KitKats, Reese’s and Skittles?

So you get stuck with these Tootsie Rolls in your bag.

Other uses for Tootsie Rolls.

⚫ 1 Half-chewed, can clog a bullet wound until help arrives.

This concludes other uses for Tootsie Rolls.

Happy Halloween, and buy real candy!

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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