Jersey Animal Crackers Day

Have you wished anyone a happy Jersey Animal Crackers Day? Well, okay, it's not really a thing. But according to the National Day Calendar Wednesday April 18, 2018 was National Animal Crackers Day. Yes, everything has a day now. And the 18th is the day to celebrate and reminisce all things animal crackers.

Your traditional animal crackers were things like tigers, elephants, bears, etc. I think someone who knows A) how to bake and B) how to be sarcastic is missing a golden business opportunity. That someone needs to come up with Jersey Animal Crackers.

They'll come in a brightly decorated box, but by decorated I mean graffiti. Jersey Animal Crackers would include the following.

Jackass
A loud, braying, stubborn animal. Each box would have 120 of these; 80 to represent the Assembly and 40 to represent the Senate.

Weasel
Long slender bodies and short legs and usually appointed to high ranking positions within the Port Authority.

Skunk
A small mammal whose anal scent glands ward off predators and are often employed by law firms representing Bridgegate conspirators, corrupt mayors, etc..

Rat
Any of a variety of rodents of the family Muroidea known infesting dumpsters, basements and the executive branch of the state government.

Turkey Vulture
A scavenger bird often seen pecking at roadkill and chasing ambulances while enroute to their law offices.

Beaten Puppy
Almost 9 million of these sad victims in the Garden State, known for their empty pockets, broken spirit and often falling prey to jackasses, weasels, skunks, rats and turkey vultures.

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