My Top Ten Favorite Quotes From ‘A Christmas Story’
In my opinion, nothing gets you into the Christmas spirit more than the movie, 'A Christmas Story.' You might think there are some movies that are better, and you may be right. To me, however, nothing says Christmastime quite like the tale of Ralphie and the dysfunctional but loving Parker family. I've seen it from start to finish an estimated 280 times. Nothing ever changes about the movie, aside from the addition of HD technology. I can still remember growing up and being able to relate to a lot of aspects of the movie. 'A Christmas Story' remains one of the classics, no matter how old I am. If you agree, even slightly, I have compiled a list of my favorite quotes from the movie. I hope it helps get you into the spirit of Christmas as much as it did for me.
Thanks to iMDB.com for providing the exact quotes. Even I couldn't remember all of them, word for word, off of the top of my head. If this makes you want to see the movie at all, fear not! It will be on all day next Sunday.
Randy hates meatloaf.
Randy: Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
Dad: All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.
I Triple-Dog-Dare You!
Flick: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!
Schwartz: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!
Flick: You're full of it!
Schwartz: Oh yeah?
Schwartz: Well I double DOG dare you!
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a “triple dare you”? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Schwartz: I TRIPLE-dog-dare you!
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!
Be Sure To Drink Your…What?
After working hard to break a secret code that turned out to be a promotion
Ralphie: Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!
The Leg Lamp Catastrophe.
Earlier in the movie, the father won a 'leg lamp' as an award. The following is after the mother accidentally breaks it.
Father: Don't you touch that! You were always jealous of this lamp.
Mother: Jealous of a plastic…
Father: Jealous! Jealous because I WON.
Mother: That's ridiculous. Jealous. Jealous of WHAT? That is… the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire LIFE!
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of “Taps” being played, gently.
Ralphie: I want a Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle. Oooooooh!
Mother: No, you'll shoot your eye out.
Daddy’s Gonna Kill Ralphie!
Mother: Randy? What's wrong? What are you crying for?
Randy: Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!
Mother: No he's not.
Randy: Yes he is!
Mother: No, I promise, Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie!
Teacher (Ms. Shields): Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick.
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.
Gifts From Your Distant Relatives.
After receiving a bunny outfit as a gift.
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.
Meeting With Santa.
Santa Claus: How about a nice football?
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'football'.
Santa Claus: Okay, get him out of here.
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): A football? Oh no, what was I doing? Wake up, Stupid! Wake up!
Ralphie is shoved down a slide, but he stops himself and climbs back up
Ralphie: No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
Santa Claus: You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
Saving the best for last!
Ralphie: Oooh fudge!
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): Only I didn't say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!
Mother: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Mother: That's what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): It was all over. I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmm. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.