The other day on the program we first heard about the unfortunately named thing and 10 rumble ponies. I had to look it up to find out what a rumble dog actually is and it turns out it is the outside horse on a carousel. The one that is so wild and aggressive and cannot be tamed by a merry-go-round pole. You get it? This name arose from the winner of a the fan contest to find the best team name. And yes, it was the winner, not the loser. I don’t even think I want to hear what some of the rejected names from that contest.

But this got me thinking about some of the other dumb minor-league baseball team names I’ve heard of that in the past. And why they are usually so stupid. Every once in a while, they do OK. Cases in point: the Tucson Padres, or the Norwich Connecticut Tigers. So I decided to do some research on the absolute worst:

  1. Batavia (NY) Muck Dogs - there was no more grown-up sounding name anywhere?
  2. Everett (WA) Aqua Socks - Aren’t aqua socks those shoes you wear in the water so you don’t step on rocks?
  3. Lowell (MA) Spinners - I only hope they mean the 70s R&B group.
  4. Hillsboro (OR) Hops - OK, we get it. You like beer. You grill hops. But you’ve never seen anything as pitiable as their mascot: ”barley.” Yes, you guessed it, barley is another plant used in beer brewing (and just as unattractive a mascot as a hop).
  5. Pensacola (FL) Blue Wahoos - I don’t know what would’ve been worse. You think they rejected "Yahoos?"
  6. Frisco (TX) Rough Riders - If this weren’t Frisco, Texas, and instead the nickname for San Francisco, the joke would be obvious.
  7. Binghamton (NY) Rumble ponies - See above.
  8. New Orleans (LA) Baby Cakes - I mean why don’t they just call themselves the New Orleans Wussies?

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