New Jersey’s Drunk History: The sun doesn’t give a s–t (WATCH)
What do you ... hic ... know of Jersey history?
If you tuned into Comedy Central's "Drunk History" last night, probably a little more than you did before. But only a little.
You would have heard from comic Jenny Slate about how scientists Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson at Bell Labs heard a mysterious sound coming from space — as she awkwardly pet her dog and talked about his missing genitals.
"The universe is like 'KKKKHHHHH! Find out about me! KKKKHHHH!'" Slate said. They thought maybe it was coming from all sorts of places, for instance the sun — but "The sun was just like 'I'm just the sun. I don't give a s--t.'"
Which is exactly how it happened.
Tess Lynch talked about Civil War-era balloonist Thaddeos Lowe:
"He's airborne in Hoboken, New Jersey. And he's like 'F--k yeah!' He's like 'ahh.' And everything seems great until, oh boom winds hit. Breewew! And he's like 'F--k the f--k'n' winds, you know. But like the winds, they don't care. The winds don't care. They're like. 'We're gonna have you land where the f--k we want you to land.'"
That's how he was blown into South Carolina. But it's OK. He had papers that said he was "Thaddeous Lowe ... important balloon person."
"They're like, You know what?'" Lynch said. "'You seem like a cool dude. You can go.'"
Mark Proksch couldn't even say "The bone wars" without giggling, as he talked about paleontologists Edward Cope and Othniel Marsh's 19th century competition to find dinosaur bones in the Garden State.
At least, we think that's where he was talking about:
"Cope discovers this great discovery in New Jersery ... New Jersery ... not a place. New Jersey."
We'll have what he's having.