Why does Dennis Malloy hate putting up Christmas lights?

Most of my neighbors get their lights up on Thanksgiving weekend. I just can't bring myself to do it that early, and I pay the price every year.

This year is no different. If I didn't get them up this weekend, what's the point? Any later and it would just be too late. Well, of course, we had the coldest weather so far and I layered on the clothes and the thermal socks and did my duty.

Once I got started it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes it was, but I managed to get in the spirit a little bit by the end of the process. Here are a couple of tips. Do it yourself or have a capable and cooperative child help you. By no means do it as a couple. It can only lead to trouble. You see, someone has to be the lead decorator or the whole f-----g thing takes too long. No debating.

Someone has to bark out the orders and usually spouses and/or girlfriends don't like that. And men certainly don't respond well either. Ahh but it brings so much joy, and many last minute trips to the hardware store or Christmas tree place! I love the looks on guys faces staring angrily or confused at the variety of twinkle lights.

Oh to be a Muslim, Jew, Hindu or Atheist in December. Now that's the true meaning of "Peace on Earth."

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