What gross thing is going on with my eyeball?!?

Woke up with this weirdness yesterday morning and it's gotten a little worse since then. No, I wasn't up late partying for Super Bowl. No, I don't smoke. Haven't even had a drink in several weeks. Slept well. So what the heck IS this? Not just your normal bloodshot eye. Although the upside is it's been fun using it to freak out my kids.