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The Absolute All Time Worst Christmas Songs

Christmas is a magical time. Memories are made year after year and those memories are passed down from generation to generation. Those memories are timeless much like Christmas music. Christmas music has that amazing power of warming the heart and providing the soundtrack to the memories of holidays' past. Unfortunately not ALL Christmas music has that same power. There are some Christmas songs that are just absolutely awful and make you wonder what was going through the artists' heads when they were composed.  Here is a list of Christmas songs that we probably could have done without.


Art Mooney & Barry Gordon- Nuttin’ For Christmas



The whole song has a kid telling a laundry list of bad tings he's done over the course of the year. Now he's getting nuttin' for Christmas. Well what do you expect? It's your own fault, enjoy the lump of coal, kid.



Spike Jones & His City Slickers- All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)



While I think it's cute when kids lose their teeth, it's not necessarily easy on the ears when they sing. Hearing the whistle that protrudes through that empty gap where the tooth was as this kid sings, is enough to even make my dog run for cover. And what kid do you know that sets the bar that low that all they want is their front tooth from Santa?



Lou Monte- Dominick The Donkey



With all apologies to those in Brooklyn, Staten Island, and New Jersey, Dominick the Donkey is NOT an enjoyable Christmas song. This is the Christmas version of the Chicken Dance. It seems quite fun to sing along to when you've had one too many eggnoggs but EXTREMELY annoying for those of us who may be sober and have to endure listening to it. Dominick needs to be taken out to the pasture.



Cyndi Lauper- Christmas Conga



While there are a lot of Christmas traditions I love participating in, doing the Conga isn't one of them. Part of the lyrics 'doing the bonga, bonga, bonga with the Christmas Conga. I think I'm going to go bonga my head into a brick wall before I listen to this song during Christmas time.



Gayle Peevey- I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas



Here's another song where we'd like an explanation as to what went through writer's head when they composed this little number. A Hippo for Christmas? I want to meet the kid that asked for a hippo! Parents have enough problems with kids asking for unrealistic gifts such as a pony and this song is promoting asking for a hippo? Where does this kid live, wild kingdom?



NKOTB- Funky, Funky, Christmas



As I was looking for a version of this song on the internet, I stumbled upon a 'live' version that NKOTB did on the Arsenio Hall Show show back in the day. While we can appreciate anyone trying to 'get busy' during the holidays, watch the video and you'll quickly realize this song really has nothing to do with Christmas other than the name.



Singing Dogs- Jingle Bells



What would Christmas be without a song for the animal nuts? I've heard many a version of Jingle Bells but none quite annoying as this one. Singing dogs? Really?! If your a dog love and you like it, fantastic. But this one goes from super cute to super annoying in about 2.2 seconds



Clay Aiken- Merry Christmas With Love



While this is a newer version of this song, it didn't take long to make it one of the worst all time. The song tells the story of a lonely widow with such lyrics as 'there's no one to to open the gifts' and 'no reason for trimming the tree.' But (gasp!) the lonely widow was surprised and has her heart warmed by the sounds of Christmas carolers at her door. Not exactly spreading the Christmas cheer to the rest of us, are you Clay?



John Denver- Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk For Christmas)



While many of us have at least one or two songs that we can enjoy by John Denver, this is surely not one of them. Nothing like a redneck Christmas with a little boy begging Dad not to get drunk so Mom won't cry this Christmas. Sounds like Dad is anything but jolly at Christmas time. At least Dad could've been a happy drunk, it is Christmas after all.



NewSong- The Christmas Shoes



Thanks to the band NewSong for putting out the WORST Christmas song of all time and depressing people for over a decade now. The song tells the story about a poor kid at the store on Christmas Eve waiting on line to but a pair of shoes for his dying mother who doesn't have much time left. The song includes the line 'I want her to look beautiful if Momma meets Jesus tonight.' Oh great, let me go get some Xanx and enjoy the rest of my holiday.


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