While it’s true that every state has its own set of problems as well as its own group of disagreeable people, the disagreeables in New Jersey tend to be more-well-disagreeable. Sometimes you can’t avoid them completely, but if you know who they are, at least you can limit your time with them as much as possible. For the sake of their cute titles on this list, we will refer to all of these people as “Mr”. Suffice it to say they can be just as disagreeable if they are “Mrs.” or “Ms.”

Please use this guide as a primer on the most annoying people in our fair state.

  1. Mr. Beach Tag Guy— This is this 16-year-old kid with pimples who bothers you just as you get comfortable and asks to see your beach tag. Then you ask to see his face so you can punch it.
  2. Mr. Traffic Cop Guy — This is your buddy who’s hiding in the bushes when you’re seven minutes late to a job interview and pulls you over to ask if you know why he’s pulling you over.
  3. Mr. Boardwalk Game Hawker Guy — This is the kid on a New Jersey boardwalk who should be pushing shopping carts and has no business engaging in verbal communication with anyone. Yet in an unenthusiastic monotone voice tries desperately to get you to shoot a water pistol in the clowns mouth, thereby daring you not to shoot it into his.
  4. Mr. Toll Collector Guy — This is the gentleman or gentlewoman with the rubber condoms on his or her fingers who’s angry with you for not using the ezpass lane and apparently has lost all sense of direction (and humor) from being confined to a 2 x 2 booth all day
  5. Mr. Tax Assessor Guy — This is the man who rings your doorbell and asks if he can come into your house and look around to decide how much of your Hard earned money the government gets to steal from you this year. Be very nice. Serve cookies.
  6. Mr. DYFS Guy (now known as Mr. Division of Child Protection and Permanency Guy, but that’s wayyy too cumbersome so we’ll stick to DYFS) — This is the recent college grad who, although childless himself, thinks he can tell If you are abusing your children by having a polite conversation with you and poking around your house and fridge. Be wary and hide all bruises and boo-boos.
  7. Mr. Back to School Night Guy — This is the over-enthusiastic parent who uses the already tedious “back to school night” as an excuse to brag about his gifted child and complain about how the teachers don’t give enough homework. Try to identify him and tackle him in the parking lot BEFORE you walk in to school.
  8. Mr. DMV Guy (Now known as Mr. MVC Guy, let’s face it: those initials never stuck!)— This is the surly, usually unattractive and generally sweaty person behind the counter who would rather be doing anything else besides his job. And lets you know this in a passive aggressive way. Offer him a free colonoscopy and he will probably jump at the chance to take it just so he can take the day off.

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