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Selling something? Here’s what happens if you knock on Dennis’ door


I heard a knock on my door Wednesday night right as I was finishing dinner.

Nowadays it’s almost always someone selling something or asking for a donation. If you’re asking for a donation, you’re probably in luck if I answer the door, especially for kids activities or kids with cancer or anything to do with kids. “Here’s 20 bucks, now scram” or something along those lines.

Unless you’re petitioning for bigger government or the party that loves big government, I’ll usually give to your cause. If you’re selling something and I politely decline and wish you luck, you should go. I know that’s not what it says in the sales handbook or the training you’ve received, but it’s the best tactic to take with me. I don’t like being taken for a chump. If you continue, I don’t know where it will go from there. You’re on my front step.  You’ve interrupted my dinner.

So the guy was selling windows and doors. He shows me some sort of badge and tells me his name is Joe. Good-looking guy maybe in his late 20s. So I politely tell him I don’t need windows or doors and wish him luck. He calls me “dude” a second time and asks if I’m just putting it off for later down the road and I say “No, I’m good.” He asks again. So I stare him straight in his pretty blue eyes and take two steps toward him with my eyebrows raised, in what my kids call “Dad’s Crazy Mean Look,” and I repeat in a quieter voice real slowly  “I’m good.” He backs up with a little nervous laugh and says “ok dude, ok,” and walks back down the driveway.

Now I didn’t get sh*tty with him but I wanted him to know I could get sh*tty with him if he continued to press the issue after I politely declined and wished him good luck. Now I love talking to people — strangers, friends, it doesn’t matter. And if you need help, I love to help. But if you can’t respect a person on their front step and politely leave, that person has every right to let you know that he can get sh*tty.

I don’t know what it says in the training manual or in the meetings, but I think it’s a good idea to try another house. It’s unsettling these days to get an unexpected knock on the door.

One of our favorite comedians, Sebastian Maniscalco has a funny take on it.

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