Ronald Strong Given Jail Time for Pooping His Pants in Maine
No, you did not read that headline wrong. If you have stomach issues, you may want to think twice before heading into a judicial building after reading this one.
Ronald Strong, was imprisoned in Portland Maine after having had some issues with making it to the bathroom in a timely manner. According to this article, Ronald Strong’s seven-day jail sentence was upheld by the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals last week for willfully damaging and creating a hazard and nuisance in the federal courthouse in Portland. Specifically, he pooped his pants and then left a mess in the bathroom after attempting to clean himself up.
It’s hard to believe a story like this would necessitate what turned out to be an extremely graphic 57-page court document, written by distinguished judges who sit one level below the U.S. Supreme Court, that included vivid comparisons to spaghetti with meat sauce and chunky peanut butter. There are also photos of the bathroom where the crime took place, though thankfully, for those who had to view them, the photos were taken after it had already been cleaned.
In his defense, Strong claims that the cleaning lady had exaggerated the extent of the damage, and that he was so humiliated and intent on cleaning himself he wasn’t paying any mind to the condition of the bathroom. He absolutely denies deliberately putting excrement on federal property. “I would never do that; that is so nasty. I just — I mean, I was just — trying to touching myself trying to clean myself up I was – I was grossed out, it was like just cleaning myself. I can’t imagine any human being that would deliberately smear anything of that–” he testified. “My intentions were my persons. I wasn’t thinking anything about the bathroom floor.”
Maybe Strong should provide the court with a copy of the kids book “Everyone Poops,” so that the judges may have some sympathy on him. Folks, sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up.
Maybe Ronald Strong can turn a negative into a positive and become a superhero like one that is semi-regularly mentioned on the Jim Gearhart Show, Pippy P. Poopypants, otherwise known as “Captain Underpants.” If you’ve never seen Captain Underpants, we even included a quick video below.
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