Put down the knife and fork, back away from the pizza
That summates the whole sordid thing.
Thursday at the radio station I watched in horror as midday producer Kylie Moore ate a slice of pizza. Well, technically she ate it. Really though she was defiling it. Someone who claims to have been born and raised in New Jersey thought nothing of going at it with a knife and fork. The following video is offered as evidence of this crime against Jersey humanity.
There are certain things in Jersey you just don't do. Expecting a politician to be honest is one of them. Eating pizza with utensils is another. Just as a passing a test is required for U.S. citizenship, a different kind of test should be required to call yourself a New Jersey citizen. You must show proficiency at performing the driving maneuver known as the Jersey slide. You should pass an exam on choosing the proper toll lane. And you should know where to call it pork roll and where to call it Taylor ham. Similarly, you should know national pizza chains are only used in emergencies; one must have and be loyal to a particular mom and pop neighborhood pizza joint. One must recognize the more grease the better. One must fold their slice when eating. And one must hold it by hand; never, ever use a knife and fork. If you don't do these things there's a place for you. It's called Bucks County. You'll find it across the river.
Now sure the leader of the free world, our president, has been seen any number of times destroying a pizza and other handheld foods by using a knife and fork. But if you don't have round the clock bodyguards in the form of Secret Service I suggest you don't try such nonsense here in the Dirty Jerz.
New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has been caught doing the same. Which of course should be grounds for an instant voter recall. Watch him try to lamely defend himself and have it both ways.
What have we all learned today boys and girls? If there's a camera around, do not be caught eating your pizza like an elitist. It will only come back to haunt you.
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