Pooping man no match for oncoming train

How did a man end up in the Passaic River needing to be helped out by rescue workers? He picked a really bad place to publicly defecate.

Monday night on a railroad bride near 4th Avenue in Paterson, a man made what probably was not his first bad decision in life. Right there, he chose to drop-trou and squat. Well gosh wouldn't you know he was in mid-act when along came a freight train. A worker on that slow moving train saw a man on the tracks with his pants down around his ankles and tried stopping the train in time. Now no one is quite sure if the pooping man jumped on his own at the last second to avoid being struck or was indeed hit at slow speed and shoved off the bridge. All we know for sure is a man with dropped pants was found screaming in the freezing waters of the Passaic and had to be fished out.

This story is a bit crappy on detail. A few more facts could definitely have been squeezed out. All I know is the authorities have to be steaming mad, and should probably make this investigation their #1, okay maybe their #2 priority. Will the pooping bridge troll even be charged with a crime? Or will authorities dump this one? If he is, can he have his record wiped clean? This investigation should be far from over because as you know, the job isn't done until the paperwork is through.

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