First, I'd like to thank my wonderful wife Aubree for the Christmas gift of Bruce tickets, which we finally used last night. It was an amazing show. Second, I'd like to report she hit the trifecta of strangeness every time she went to the bathroom.

We took a New Jersey Transit train from Metro Park. When we arrived at Penn Station we both had to use the facilities. Mine was uneventful. Aub's went this way:

She's standing in a long line waiting for a stall to open. A woman with half her teeth missing cuts past everyone in line and goes around some corner ... a corner where there wasn't a stall. She comes back a moment later and zeroes in on Aubree for some reason, breathing right into her face, "Hey when you gotta go you gotta go! Just go over there where I did, I just peed on the floor! No waitin'!"

As the woman urged my wife to pee on the floor of the Penn Station bathroom, the woman's cheap sunglasses fell off her face. Why my wife was kind enough to pick them up for her I have no idea. Handing her the glasses back the woman grabbed her forearm and tried to lead her over to her newly found pee zone. My wife sweetly told her she'd wait for a stall. "Suit yourself but why wait!?!?"

Later, during the concert, we both had to go again. My trip to the men's room at Madison Square Garden was uneventful. Aubree's trip to the ladies' room was going well enough, until the woman in the next stall began uncontrollably vomiting. Then, to Aubree's horror, she saw that it was flowing underneath the wall into her own stall like slow lava. She made it out just in time.

Finally, at the end of the night back in Penn Station, we went to the bathrooms one more time. My trip was uneventful. Aubree, however, had one more weirdo to deal with. She got into a stall and then noticed a woman outside the door getting down practically on hands and knees. The woman started calling under the door to her, "What kind of music do you like?"

"Excuse me?"
"What kind of music do you like!?"
"Would you please leave me alone?"
"I just want to know what kind of music do you like?"
"Leave me alone please."
"I don't know what that means."

Not getting anything to work with, the woman crawled away and started shouting the same question to other ladies under other stall doors. Aubree got out intact, but I think I owe her big time for dealing with all this just so I could see Bruce.

Sign up for the Newsletter

Get the best of delivered to your inbox every day.